So often in life, we find ourselves grasping for control. We want to control our circumstances, other people’s actions and opinions, the outcome of our efforts. We believe that if we can just tighten our grip and micromanage every detail, we’ll finally feel at ease. But the truth is, the more we try to control, the more out of control we feel.
This hit home for me recently when I was dealing with a challenging situation at work. I found myself constantly checking emails, trying to predict and manipulate my colleague’s responses, overthinking every possible scenario. I was stressed, anxious, and exhausted from the mental energy I was expending. And despite all my efforts, I didn’t feel any sense of real control. In fact, I felt more out of control than ever.
That’s the irony of our controlling tendencies – we think we’re creating certainty and stability, but we’re actually creating more chaos and anxiety for ourselves. When we’re hellbent on controlling something (or someone), we become consumed by it. It takes over our thoughts, drains our energy, and robs us of joy and presence. In a very real sense, the thing we’re trying to control ends up controlling us.
So how do we break free from this pattern? The first step is simply becoming aware of our control-seeking behavior. Notice when you’re feeling that desperate urge to grip tighter, to micromanage, to force an outcome. Pause and ask yourself – is this actually helping me feel better? Is it leading to the peace and ease I seek? Chances are, the answer is no.
From that place of awareness, see if you can take a deep breath and loosen your grip, even just a bit. Remind yourself that while you can’t control the external circumstances, you can control your response to them. You have the power to choose inner peace and equanimity, regardless of what’s happening around you.
This isn’t easy, especially for those of us who are lifelong control freaks (raising my hand here). But with practice, we can start to release our vice grip on life and relax into the flow of things. We can focus our energy on what we can control – our own thoughts, behaviors, and responses. We can choose to show up fully, do our best, and then detach from the outcome, trusting that we can handle whatever unfolds.
When we relinquish the illusion of control, we create space for serendipity, for growth, for things to work out in ways we couldn’t have orchestrated. We free up so much mental and emotional bandwidth that was previously wasted on worrying and micromanaging.
Most importantly, we reclaim our inner sense of ease and equilibrium. We stop letting external circumstances dictate our wellbeing and learn to cultivate peace from within. We loosen the chains of control and step into true freedom and empowerment.
As the wise saying goes, “You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” There is so much beauty and liberation in surrendering to this truth. In letting life flow through us, in all its unpredictable, uncontrollable glory.
Where in your life could you loosen your grip today? Where are you expending precious energy trying to control the uncontrollable? Can you take a deep breath, relax your hold, and trust in your resilience? In this moment, you have the power to release what is controlling you and claim your freedom. And that, my friends, is the ultimate victory.