I have recently gotten engaged. Unfortunately, my partner has a large debt to the tune of over $175k. The majority of it is from student loans from a degree that was not finished. The loans are as follows:
Private loan of $119k, 7.8% interest. Another private loan of $5k with 5% interest, CC of $6600, and a government loan of $45k with var interest.
He is paying $1848 combined on all of these loans, which is as much as he makes in one paycheck… in addition to the rest of our living expenses. $1k of that goes toward the largest loan monthly. I have minimal debt (under 2K), and a credit score of 774.
Is there anything I can do? Have I screwed myself on ever being able to buy a house?
First off, congratulations on your engagement! That’s a big milestone and I’m sure you two are excited about building your life together. But you’re right to be concerned about your partner’s debt situation. $175k is no small amount, especially with those high interest rates.
Before we get into the specifics of your situation, let’s take a step back and consider the broader question: Is it a good idea to marry someone with large debt?
The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. It depends on several factors:
- The type of debt: Student loans, for example, were presumably investments in your partner’s education and earning potential. High-interest consumer debt from overspending is more concerning.
- Your partner’s attitude towards the debt: Are they taking responsibility for it? Are they committed to paying it off? Do they have a track record of making payments on time? These are good signs.
- Your shared values and goals: Do you have a shared vision for your financial future? Are you on the same page about spending, saving, and debt? These alignments are crucial.
- Your own financial health: Are you in a strong position to weather financial challenges together? Do you have your own debts under control? An emergency fund?
- Your communication and problem-solving skills as a couple: Can you have honest, non-judgmental conversations about money? Can you make a plan and stick to it together?
If you have open communication, shared values, and a solid plan, marrying someone with large debt can work out fine. You might even come out stronger for tackling this challenge early on. But if there are red flags, proceed with caution.
Now, let’s talk about your specific situation. When you get married, your finances become intertwined. Your partner’s debt will impact your collective financial health and options. It affects your ability to save for shared goals like buying a house, starting a family, traveling, or retiring comfortably.
This isn’t to say you’re responsible for debt he incurred before your marriage. And you definitely want to be cautious about taking on any of his debt in your name. But in a marriage, you’re a team. His financial stresses will be your stresses. His victories will be your victories.
So, what can you do?
- Have an honest, judgment-free discussion about money. Get everything out on the table – debts, assets, incomes, spending habits, financial goals. This isn’t about blame, it’s about working together.
- Focus on that $119k private loan at 7.8% interest. That needs to be your top priority to pay down. See if you can refinance it to a lower rate.
- Look for ways to increase income and cut expenses so you can throw as much money as possible at the debt. Side hustles, selling stuff you don’t need, cutting subscriptions, etc. Every extra dollar helps.
- Once you knock out that big loan, roll those payments into the next highest interest debt and so on. This “debt snowball” method builds momentum.
- Don’t neglect other goals entirely, like having an emergency fund and saving for a house. But in your situation, destroying that debt needs to come first.
- Consider meeting with a financial planner who can look at your complete picture and give personalized advice.
Tackling this as a team means openly communicating, creating a budget and debt repayment plan together, holding each other accountable, making shared sacrifices, and celebrating your progress.
I won’t sugarcoat it – $175k is a big hole to climb out of and it will take focus and discipline. But you can absolutely do this. The most important thing is that you’re working together, being transparent, and have a plan.
The key thing is alignment. You need a shared understanding of the situation, shared goals you’re working towards, and a shared commitment to do what it takes. Frame it as “us against the debt” not “you vs. me.”
This is a challenge, no doubt. But it’s also an opportunity to build a strong financial foundation and partnership early in your marriage. You’ll learn a lot about communication, teamwork, and resilience in the process.
Stay positive, support each other, and celebrate your wins along the way. You’ve got this!