The stories you tell yourself have the power to make or break your life. I’m not talking about the little white lies we all tell to get out of an awkward conversation or spare someone’s feelings. No, I’m talking about the deep-seated narratives we cling to that keep us stuck, small, and hurting.
You know the ones I mean. “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll never recover from this.” “Healthy relationships just aren’t possible for someone like me.” These are the lies that take root in our darkest moments of pain and then weave themselves through our lives, strangling our joy, our hope, and our relationships.
But here’s the good news: you don’t have to keep believing those lies. You have a choice. You can examine your stories, challenge them, and commit to telling new ones.
Sure, this isn’t a quick fix. Unpacking your trauma, understanding where these narratives came from, and rooting them out takes time and work, often with a really good therapist. But let me tell you, it’s worth it.
Because when you start telling yourself the truth – that you are worthy of love, that you have what it takes to heal, that you were made for deep connection – your whole world starts to change. You find the courage to open yourself up to others. You develop resilience to weather life’s curveballs. You experience the freedom and lightness that comes from not carrying those heavy false narratives anymore.
So right now, take a long, hard look at the stories you’ve been telling yourself. Do they line up with what you know to be true? Are they serving you, or are they holding you back? And if you’ve been carrying around the weight of a lie, what would it look like to set it down and walk in the truth instead?
I know this journey isn’t easy. But I also know that choosing to confront the lies and live in the light of the truth is the surest path to wholeness. You’ve got this, and trust me – the life waiting for you on the other side is so worth the work of getting there.
Alex’s Lie: “I must be perfect to be valued.”
Alex grew up in a home where achievements were highly praised and failures were harshly criticized. From a young age, Alex internalized the belief that their worth was directly tied to their successes and that any mistake was a profound mark of inadequacy. This belief manifested as a relentless drive for perfection in every area of life—from work to relationships to personal hobbies.
Despite numerous achievements, Alex never felt satisfied. Each success was immediately overshadowed by the pressure for the next big thing. In relationships, Alex was guarded, never showing vulnerability or asking for help, fearing that any flaw would make them unworthy of love. This constant pressure led to chronic stress, anxiety, and a pervasive sense of loneliness, as Alex’s true self was buried under the weight of an unattainable standard.
The turning point came during a particularly stressful project at work. Alex was so consumed by the fear of failure that they couldn’t focus, leading to sleepless nights and panic attacks. Realizing this couldn’t continue, Alex sought help from a therapist, where they were encouraged to explore the roots of their perfectionism.
With guidance, Alex began to see how the demand for perfection was a lie they had been telling themselves. They started practicing self-compassion, acknowledging that making mistakes did not diminish their worth. Alex learned to celebrate small victories and accept setbacks as part of growth, not as evidence of failure.
In therapy, Alex learned to be vulnerable, sharing fears and insecurities instead of hiding them. This openness was initially terrifying but gradually became freeing. Vulnerability allowed Alex to deepen relationships and connect with others more authentically, finding that people valued their honesty and humanity more than their flawless facade.
Today, Alex continues to work on embracing imperfection. They remind themselves daily that their value isn’t defined by achievements. By replacing the lie of required perfection with the truth of inherent worth, Alex has found greater peace and satisfaction in life.
Sarah’s Lie: “I’m not worthy of being loved”
Meet Sarah. Sarah is a 35-year-old woman who’s been through her fair share of heartbreak. Her father left when she was young, and a string of painful breakups in her 20s left her feeling like she just wasn’t cut out for lasting love.
For years, Sarah told herself a story: “I’m just not the kind of person people stick around for.” This lie became her truth, and it influenced every aspect of her life. She held back in friendships, always waiting for the other person to leave. She sabotaged promising relationships, figuring she might as well end things before they inevitably fell apart. She threw herself into her work, finding validation in her career since she believed she’d never find it in love.
But then, in a moment of tearful desperation, Sarah reached out to a therapist. And slowly, session by session, she started to examine the story she’d been telling herself. She traced it back to those early abandonments and started to understand how much pain those experiences had caused. She grieved the childhood she wished she’d had and the relationships she’d lost along the way.
And then, Sarah started to challenge her narrative. She looked at the evidence – the friends who had stuck by her for years, the boyfriend who was kind and consistent – and started to consider that maybe, just maybe, her story wasn’t the full truth.
It wasn’t easy, but Sarah committed to telling herself a new story. She started small, with affirmations like “I am worthy of love” and “I have so much to offer in a relationship.” And as she practiced this new narrative, it started to feel more and more true.
Slowly but surely, Sarah’s life started to change. She let herself be vulnerable in her friendships and was amazed by the depth of connection she found. She met a wonderful man and, for the first time, let herself imagine a future with him. She still had moments of doubt and fear, but she had learned to recognize them for what they were – echoes of an old story, not the unchangeable truth.
Sarah’s journey isn’t over, but she’ll tell you that the work of examining her stories and choosing new ones has transformed her life in ways she never imagined possible. And that right there is the power of telling ourselves the truth.