My 32M wife 40F and her best friend 43F were all hanging out at the house with a few of her other friends. Her best friend kept trying to pull me off the couch to take a shot.
She grabbed both my legs and pulled me right off the couch we started like play wrestling . We were drunk and it was all out of fun. I’m 5’3 and about 130 pounds . She’s the same height as me but weighs more.
I tried grabbing her legs and tackling her but she just pushed me to the ground and had me pinned. I was trying as hard as I could to get up and started turning bright red and my wife and all her friends started laughing so hard. Her friend was barely trying and was able to just keep me pinned there.
I felt so emasculated and it made it even worse how bad my wife was laughing.
Your ego took a beating, and that stings. It’s no fun feeling physically overpowered, especially by a woman, and especially in front of an audience that includes your wife. I get it. That’s the kind of humiliation that can burrow under your skin and fester.
It’s completely valid to feel upset about this. What happened touched on some deep-seated buttons about physical competence and masculinity, not to mention the added sting of public embarrassment. The laughter, though likely not malicious in intent, can amplify those feelings of humiliation.
But here’s the thing: Your masculinity isn’t determined by how much you can bench press or whether you can win a drunken wrestling match with your wife’s bestie. Being a man – a good man, a strong man, a man worthy of respect – comes from how you carry yourself in the world. It’s about integrity, compassion, reliability, emotional courage. It’s about getting knocked down – literally or figuratively – and having the resilience to get back up again.
You mentioned feeling emasculated and embarrassed, and that’s a completely natural reaction to being overpowered, especially in a social setting. However, this could be a good moment to ask yourself why this particular incident struck such a nerve. Is it solely about the public nature of the event, or does it tap into deeper insecurities about your physical strength or capability?
If the physical aspect of this situation left you feeling lacking, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve. Whether it’s starting a strength training regimen, taking up a sport, or exploring something like jiu-jitsu (which, by the way, is excellent for understanding how to handle opponents of any size), enhancing your physical fitness can be empowering. It’s about more than just muscle—it’s about feeling confident and capable in your own skin.
Incorporating something like jiu-jitsu into your routine could be a double win: you’re learning a new skill while also building resilience and physical capability. Plus, martial arts tend to have a grounding effect on how you view physical confrontations; they can transform your perspective from feeling defeated to being analytical about what you could do differently.
If it’s really eating at you, talk to your wife. Let her know you felt a little foolish and vulnerable, and that her laughter stung. But do it with a sense of humor and self-awareness.
What happened, happened. It’s in the past, and while it’s important to process and learn from it, it’s equally important not to dwell. Use this as an opportunity to grow and fortify yourself, both physically and emotionally.
At the end of the day, your manliness isn’t measured in pounds lifted or matches won. It’s about having the self-awareness to know your weaknesses, the humility to acknowledge them, and the determination to do something about them. So hold your head high, my friend. And maybe skip the drunken wrestling matches, until you get your blue belt?