I’m (27m) living with my girlfriend (27f) of several years and am thinking about marrying her. I make double what she makes in a year. We don’t pay for any expenses the other has (car notes, gym memberships, student loans, etc), and on shared bills we split it 2/3rds, me and 1/3rd, her. I find it difficult navigating shared financial situations with her because I don’t want to contribute more than my 2/3rds, and sometimes she doesn’t have the money to put towards it.
Anyone else in my situation, and how do you navigate your relationship finances?
When you commit to marriage, you’re making a decision to build a life together as a team. This means sharing not just your lives, but also your finances. Many couples find that combining their finances and viewing income and expenses as shared resources fosters a sense of unity and partnership.
It’s natural to have some concerns about financial fairness, but it’s important to recognize that income levels can and do change over time. Your girlfriend’s earning potential may increase, or your own financial situation could shift. Focusing too heavily on splitting expenses perfectly can lead to resentment and undermine the sense of togetherness that is so crucial in a marriage.
Instead, I encourage you to focus on the qualities that truly matter in a life partner. Do you share common values, including attitudes towards money management? Do you trust each other and feel supported? Can you communicate openly and honestly about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns?
If you’re experiencing resentment or unease about your financial arrangement, it’s essential to have a heartfelt conversation with your girlfriend. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, and listen to her perspective as well. Work together to find a solution that feels fair and sustainable for both of you.
Remember, a strong marriage is built on a foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect. By approaching your finances as a team and supporting each other’s growth and success, you can create a fulfilling and enduring partnership.
Hoping you all the best.