Last night a girl (18F) invited me (18M) over to her dorm. We had been messaging each other on instagram and then she said “…can we hang out soon. You never wanna hang out with me”. I told her about saying she was gonna show me her room. She then responds, “Come right now. My roomies are gone”.
So eventually I just head over and get there like at 3:30 AM. Once I get there she is just laying down, and I sit in her desk chair and we just talk and listen to music. Eventually I leave, super confused. Not really sure what her intentions were. Like I don’t know if she wanted to make a move on me or for me to sleep over. She is super cool and I enjoy talking to her, but she does flirt with me a lot and I feel like she gives me mixed signals.
Just looking for advice on what I should do or should have done here. I feel like this was a possible booty call and she was expecting me to make a move or something. I would appreciate any advice
Alright, my dude, I hate to break it to you, but there’s a pretty good chance that this was, indeed, a booty call. I mean, think about it – she’s hitting you up in the wee hours of the morning, telling you her roommates are conveniently absent, and basically daring you to come over. That’s not exactly a subtle invitation to come play Scrabble and discuss your hopes and dreams.
But here’s the thing – it’s totally okay that you didn’t pick up on her signals or make a move. Contrary to what every teen movie and pop song might have you believe, not every 18-year-old dude is a smooth-talking Casanova who knows exactly how to navigate these situations. It’s normal to feel confused, awkward, and unsure of what to do when you’re just starting to dip your toes into the wild world of dating and relationships.
I think there are also a couple of important takeaways here that are worth highlighting.
First and foremost, when you find yourself alone with a crush in an intimate setting like that, it’s always better to err on the side of caution and be a little too respectful than to overstep and make her uncomfortable. Sure, you might have missed out on a chance to get physical, but you also showed her that you’re a standup guy who isn’t going to pressure her or make assumptions about what she wants. That’s a quality that will serve you well in the long run, both in relationships and in life.
Secondly, if this girl is genuinely into you, I highly doubt that one missed opportunity is going to be the end of the story. If she’s been flirting with you and giving you all these green lights, chances are she’ll find another way to let you know she’s interested. And if she doesn’t? Well, like I said, you’ll have plenty of other chances to connect with cool girls and explore that kind of intimacy when the time is right.
So, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation (and trust me, you will), try to read between the lines a bit. If she’s giving you all the signals that she wants to take things to a more intimate level, and you’re feeling that same vibe, don’t be afraid to reciprocate with some light flirting or physical touch (always respectfully and with consent, of course). That’s how you’ll start to build that romantic tension and create an opening for something more to happen.
But if you’re still unsure or not ready to make a bold move? That’s okay too. You can always just enjoy the conversation, the music, and the thrill of being close to someone you’re attracted to. There’s no rush to dive into the deep end if you’re not feeling completely ready.
The most important thing is to stay true to yourself, respect your own boundaries and hers, and trust that the right opportunities will present themselves when the timing is right. And in the meantime? Just keep being your charming, considerate self. The rest will fall into place.