Because it was the easiest thing for me to do.
He was not abusive. He didn’t cheat on me. He was loving and supportive and communicative and trusting our entire relationship. Probably one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever dated.
Unfortunately, he lost his job and became depressed and miserable to be around and I was no longer attracted to him. Meanwhile, I got a new, high pressure job after being miserable at my old one for five years and was dreading dealing with his issues. I wanted a new start. A really fun and attractive guy I’ve had a long-standing crush on showed interest in me and I went for it.
I knew I couldn’t give my boyfriend a reason for breaking up with him that wouldn’t lead to him hating me or hurtful things being said, so I sent him a short breakup email and disappeared when he begged for an explanation.
I know it’s a bad thing to do, but breakups suck for everyone and it was the easiest way for me. I know you’re going to say I should apologize, but he’s been so angry and hateful since I did this that there’d be no point. He’d just cuss me out. That ship has sailed.
So that’s why I did it.
Well, you’re right that ghosting him was the easiest thing for you to do. But relationships aren’t about doing what’s easiest for ourselves; they’re about treating others with basic compassion and respect.
He wasn’t abusive, he didn’t cheat, and by your account he was a loving and supportive partner. Then he fell on hard times and became depressed after losing his job. Instead of talking to him, working on the relationship, and either trying to support him or ending things honestly, you took the coward’s way out. You disappeared when things got tough, without even giving him the dignity of a conversation or explanation. And to top it off, you did it for another guy.
I get it. Breakups are hard and messy. Disappearing feels easier. But you caused far more hurt and damage by ghosting than you would have by facing the music. He’s angry and hateful now because you betrayed him in a cruel way when he was already struggling.
So no, I don’t think you should apologize at this point. Not because he might cuss you out, but because you need to leave him alone and let him heal. Reaching out now would only reopen the wounds.
Instead, I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and your actions. Reflect on why you chose the “easy” path over the right one. Examine how you cope when relationships get difficult. Consider how you can build the integrity and strength to do the hard things, have the tough conversations, and treat people with respect even when you don’t want to be with them anymore.
Use this as a chance to grow and mature, so you handle things better in the future. Learn from the hurt you’ve caused. And give your ex the space to move on from the person who abandoned him. You both deserve that much.