We’ve all been there. You meet someone new and they seem amazing. They’re attractive, charming, and have big dreams and ambitions. You start to imagine a future together, picturing all the incredible things you could accomplish as a couple. There’s just one problem: right now, they’re kind of a mess.
But that’s okay, right? Because they have so much potential. With your love and support, you’re sure they’ll get their act together and become the incredible person you know they can be.
Here’s the thing though: falling in love with potential is a dangerous game. Because potential doesn’t mean shit if the person isn’t willing to put in the work to actualize it. And more often than not, they won’t.
It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of who someone could be, rather than seeing them clearly for who they are right now. But the reality is, you can’t date a future version of someone. You can only be with the person in front of you.
And if that person is constantly flaking on you, treating you poorly, or not living up to their own ideals, that’s a red flag. Because here’s an uncomfortable truth: people don’t change unless they want to. You can’t love someone into becoming a better person. They have to choose that for themselves.
It’s not your job to fix your partner. Either you love them the way they are or you don’t. If it’s the latter, you may need to move on. Trying to change someone is a recipe for frustration and resentment. You’ll constantly be disappointed when they don’t live up to your expectations, and they’ll feel like they’re never good enough for you.
So instead of projecting all your hopes and dreams onto a fixer-upper partner, focus on finding someone who is already the kind of person you want to be with. Someone who has their shit together, knows what they want, and is actively working towards it.
Because at the end of the day, healthy relationships aren’t built on one person’s untapped potential. They’re built on two people coming together as complete individuals, ready to support each other’s growth while still maintaining their own identities and goals.
Don’t fall for the fairy tale of transforming someone else’s life. Choose the person who is already building a life you want to be a part of. Trust me, it’ll save you a whole lot of heartache in the long run.