I’m a 30 year old man, and I hate my job. Every day feels exactly the same, and I don’t see any purpose in the work I do. I’ve been trying to find something else, but I can’t even get past the first round of interviews.
Quitting isn’t an option because I’m the only one supporting my family financially.
Things at home are just as hard. My wife is 28, and it feels like we don’t understand each other anymore. I don’t feel like I can be myself around her. She often says her life would have been better if she had married someone else. During our worst arguments, I’ve told her I wish I hadn’t married her either.
We talk about having a baby, but we barely have any intimacy. She says she wants to have sex, but her actions don’t match her words. If I tell her I’m not interested because of everything going on between us, she accuses me of not being able to perform and says I still expect to have a child. She also puts me down in front of her friends, which leaves me feeling embarrassed and disrespected.
I feel trapped. Sometimes I want to disappear and never come back.
Every day feels like hell. I go to a job that drains me, then come home to criticism and conflict. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
Response
You are dealing with two separate problems that are feeding each other.
Your job is paying the bills right now, and that matters. Keep applying elsewhere, but don’t let interview rejections define your value. Interviewing is a skill that can be improved with practice and feedback.
Your marriage needs immediate attention. Constant criticism, telling each other you regret getting married, public put downs, and insults about your masculinity are deeply damaging. Before you bring a baby into this relationship, stop. A child will not repair a broken relationship.
Have one honest conversation outside of an argument and ask whether you both truly want to rebuild the marriage. If the answer is yes, then both of you have work to do, and couples counseling could help. If the answer is no from either of you, it is important to face that reality honestly.
If by saying you want to run away you mean you are thinking about hurting yourself or feel like life is not worth living, please tell someone you trust or contact a crisis service where you live today. You do not have to face that alone.
For now, keep your income, pause the baby plans, and deal with the marriage before making any bigger life decisions.