My partner is in a college and work training program, and he has been struggling for a while. He was recently referred to student support to be evaluated for possible learning or mental disabilities. As part of that process, he took an IQ test and scored a 72.
I was not completely surprised. He often has trouble with basic tasks and can seem to lack common sense. I have always tried to look at him with compassion and assumed he just needed more time to learn or mature. But seeing that number made something shift in me. It no longer feels like this is just about immaturity.
I am starting to wonder if this is what our future will always look like. Will I always be the one carrying the mental load? Will every important decision fall to me? I do not want children right now, but if I do someday, I worry that I could end up caring for both my children and my partner.
My parents have never directly criticized him, but I can tell they see him as immature. I do not have many close friends, and he has become my main source of connection. At the same time, when I spend time with other people my age, I sometimes feel like I have forgotten what it is like to be in an equal adult relationship.
I wish I had never learned his IQ score because now I cannot stop wondering if it changes everything.
Response
An IQ score is not a complete description of a person. It does not measure kindness, loyalty, empathy, or character. It also cannot, by itself, determine whether someone has an intellectual disability. Everyday functioning matters just as much.
What matters most is that your concerns existed before you ever saw the score. You had already noticed yourself carrying more responsibility. You had already wondered whether you were in an equal partnership. The test did not create those concerns. It simply made them harder to ignore.
The question is not whether someone with a low IQ deserves love. They absolutely do. The question is whether the life this relationship may require is one you genuinely want to choose.
Also pay attention to the fact that he has become your main source of connection. Loneliness can make it difficult to evaluate a relationship clearly. Try to build friendships and reconnect with other parts of your life before making any major decisions.
Watch what happens over time. Does he take advantage of support and become more independent? Or do you increasingly become responsible for managing everyday life? Those answers will tell you far more than a single test score ever could.
You do not have to make a forever decision today. You only have to be honest about whether the future you are seeing is one you would willingly choose if nothing changed.