I have a coworker with two kids who is constantly struggling financially. I feel bad for her, so I’ve gotten into the habit of paying for her breakfast and lunch almost every day. I’d say I cover her meals about 95% of the time.
She also regularly asks to borrow money, usually $20 to $50 at a time. The most I’ve ever lent her was $250.
The thing is, I’m not exactly doing great financially myself. I just happen to have a little extra money because I don’t have kids. But instead of using that money for myself, I keep giving it to her.
Now things have gone even further. We’re supposed to go to the bank so I can take out a loan in my name and give her all the money. My credit is excellent, but hers isn’t, so she wouldn’t qualify on her own. The plan is to connect her bank account so she can make the payments.
But I keep asking myself, if she can’t afford her expenses now, how is she going to afford loan payments? And if she stops paying, I’m the one who’s going to be stuck with the debt.
My gut is telling me this is a terrible idea. I don’t even like borrowing money for myself, much less for someone else.
The problem is that I’m a people pleaser. I have an incredibly hard time saying no, especially when someone is struggling. I’ve already agreed to go to the bank, and now I don’t know how to tell her I’ve changed my mind.
Am I being selfish for backing out? How do I finally put my foot down?
You need to cancel that trip to the bank. Today.
I’m going to be direct with you. You’re not just helping this woman anymore. You’re financially supporting her, and you’re doing it at the expense of your own future.
You’re buying almost all her meals, regularly lending her money, and now you’re considering taking out a loan in your name because you’re afraid to tell her no.
What are you doing?
I understand she’s struggling. I understand she has two kids. But her financial problems are not your responsibility. And just because you don’t have children doesn’t mean your money is somehow less important than hers.
Think about this. If the bank won’t lend her money because of her credit history, why would you take that risk yourself?
If she stops making payments, guess who’s responsible? You are. And linking her bank account doesn’t change that.
You’re about to go into debt for someone else because you’re afraid of an uncomfortable conversation.
That’s not generosity. That’s people pleasing, and it’s going to cost you.
Tell her you’ve thought about it and you’re not comfortable taking out the loan. That’s it. You don’t owe her a long explanation.
And while you’re at it, stop paying for all her meals and lending her money. You can care about someone without becoming their personal bank.
She might get upset. She might be disappointed. Let her.
Someone else’s disappointment is not an emergency you have to fix.
You don’t need to become selfish or stop being a kind person. But you do need boundaries.
Because if you keep sacrificing your own financial security to keep other people happy, eventually you’re going to be the one who needs help.
Don’t take out the loan. Learn to say no. And start treating your own financial future like it matters.
Because it does.