“I’m sleeping with my married coworker, but I think I’m actually helping her marriage”

I’m a decent looking 30 year old guy. I grew up playing sports, so I’ve always been pretty athletic and stayed in good shape.

I currently work in sales, and there’s a receptionist at my job who is really cute, but she’s also a bigger woman. She’s in her mid 30s, married, and has kids.

I’m naturally a flirty person, and I guess she doesn’t get much attention outside her marriage because she seems to love every bit of attention I give her.

She brings me food, laughs way too hard at all my jokes, and compliments me constantly.

The weird thing is, whenever I ask about her husband, she gets upset and doesn’t seem to want to talk about him.

Right before the Fourth of July weekend, we were making small talk. I mentioned that I’d probably grill some burgers and hot dogs with my family.

She said, “I can’t remember the last time I had a hot dog.”

Naturally, the 14 year old boy in me came out, and without thinking, I said, “I’ve got a hot dog you can have.”

I immediately turned bright red. Before I could even apologize, she said, “Okay,” and asked me to meet her in her car at lunch.

I actually went.

She had moved her car to a parking spot facing away from the building. Once I got in, she proceeded to give me the best oral sex I’ve ever had.

And apparently, that wasn’t going to be a one time thing.

Every day since then, she texts me around lunchtime asking, “Hot dog time?”

And every single day, Monday through Friday, we meet in her car and do the same thing.

I’m not exaggerating. She hasn’t missed a single opportunity.

Part of me feels guilty because I know she’s married. But another part of me feels like I’m doing her a favor. In pretty much any other situation, I probably wouldn’t hook up with a bigger woman.

When I asked if she felt guilty about what we’re doing, she told me she’s actually been more intimate with her husband since this started because our lunchtime encounters put her in the mood.

I know this probably makes me sound like a complete douchebag, but part of me genuinely feels like I’m doing both her and her husband a favor.

And the truth is, I really don’t want to stop.

Am I completely wrong for thinking this way?

Dude, are you serious?

You’re 30 years old, and you’re trying to convince yourself that hooking up with another man’s wife five days a week is somehow an act of generosity?

Come on, man.

You’re not helping her marriage. You’re not doing her husband a favor. And you’re certainly not doing this woman some great service because you’ve decided to lower your physical standards for her.

You’re doing this because it feels good, it’s easy, and you don’t have to deal with any of the responsibility.

That’s it.

And let’s talk about the way you describe this woman.

You spend half your letter telling me you’re athletic, decent looking, and normally wouldn’t give a bigger woman the time of day.

Who cares?

You talk about her like she’s some charity case who should be grateful that a guy like you is giving her attention.

Man, you’re acting like a piece of shit.

And I’m not saying that just because you’re sleeping with a married woman. I’m saying it because of the arrogance and complete lack of respect dripping from every sentence of your letter.

You’re sneaking around in a parking lot during your lunch break, participating in the betrayal of another man’s marriage, and somehow you’ve convinced yourself you’re the prize.

Imagine her husband finds out and you tell him, “You’re welcome, buddy. I actually improved your marriage.”

You think he’s going to thank you?

Of course not.

And look, she’s just as responsible for this affair. She’s the one who made vows to her husband. But her bad choices don’t excuse yours.

What bothers me most is that you don’t seem concerned about her marriage, her kids, or what happens when this blows up.

You’re concerned about whether you can keep getting what you want without feeling guilty.

That’s not generosity. That’s selfishness.

And your biggest problem isn’t getting caught.

It’s that you’ve gotten comfortable doing something you know is wrong and inventing excuses to justify it.

So stop.

End the affair. Keep things professional at work. And figure out why you feel entitled to look down on someone you’re perfectly happy to use for sexual gratification.

You started this letter by telling me you’re a good looking, athletic guy.

Great.

But being attractive doesn’t make you a good man.

Your choices do.

And right now, your choices say you’ve got a whole lot of growing up to do.