I’m 21 years old, and I feel like I’m ugly as a pig.
I was born with a birth defect that causes facial asymmetry and makes my speech a little wobbly. Most days, it doesn’t bother me too much. I get by. I have my puppy, I work different jobs here and there, and I’m very close with my family.
But then I go out into the world, and everything changes.
Guys never look at me. Even when I’m hanging out with a group of people and there are guys around, they don’t glance at me or say a word to me. Sometimes, even when I ask them a direct question, they don’t answer. It’s like I don’t exist.
All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have a husband, kids, and a happy home. I know that probably sounds cheesy or stupid, but it’s genuinely my biggest dream.
And I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
I can’t imagine ever having a real, healthy relationship because of how I look. Even if a guy did show interest in me, I’d probably assume he was just settling because he couldn’t find someone better. And I don’t want to be someone a man settles for. I want someone to actually want me.
So I’ve started accepting that maybe I’ll never experience what it’s like to be loved romantically.
It’s especially hard watching other people move forward with their lives. A girl I know is already having her second child, and I’ve never even kissed anyone. I’m 21 years old, and apparently nobody has ever wanted to kiss me.
People I know keep telling me that it’ll happen someday, that I’ll find someone. But they don’t understand. They don’t see what I experience.
It’s hard to date, fall in love, or even have your first kiss when guys won’t acknowledge that you exist.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep hoping for something that feels completely out of reach.
First, wanting a husband, kids, and a happy home isn’t stupid. It’s a beautiful thing to want, and you don’t need to apologize for it.
And I’m not going to insult you by pretending looks don’t matter. They do. Some people are shallow, and some people are cruel toward anyone who looks or sounds different. I believe you when you say men ignore you, and I understand why that hurts.
But here’s what concerns me.
You’ve taken the way some men have treated you and turned it into a life sentence.
You’re 21. You’ve never been kissed. You’ve been ignored and rejected. Those are real experiences. But you’ve taken them and decided nobody will ever love you, and anyone who does must be settling.
You don’t know that.
And if you keep telling yourself you’re unlovable, you might eventually meet someone who genuinely wants you and find yourself unable to believe him.
You don’t need every man to find you attractive. You need one man who sees you, loves you, and wants to build a life with you. And that doesn’t mean he’s settling.
Please stop calling yourself a pig. You may not like how you look, but you don’t have to join the people who’ve made you feel invisible.
And stop comparing yourself to the girl having her second child. Her life isn’t your deadline. You’re 21, not 61.
I can’t promise you’ll find a husband. Nobody can. But I can tell you that being ignored by some men doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being loved by anyone.
Put yourself in places where people can get to know you beyond a first glance. Build friendships. Keep living your life. And don’t let rejection convince you to give up before you’ve really begun.
You can accept that dating might be harder for you without deciding that love is impossible.
Your dream isn’t foolish. But don’t spend your life mourning a future that hasn’t happened yet.