I’m a 20 year old guy, and I was raised to treat women with respect, honesty, and basic decency. I don’t see women as objects or as something to chase for validation. That’s just how I am.
But online, it feels like treating women well gets labeled as “simping.” Somehow being genuine or caring is seen as weak or uncool, and I don’t really understand it.
At the same time, I see a lot of people my age hooking up or sliding into random DMs because they’re insecure or looking for validation. Maybe it makes them feel better for a little while, but it seems like a temporary fix that can mess with your head in the long run.
So why does being genuine, respectful, and secure seem uncool now? And how am I supposed to navigate dating today without becoming someone I’m not?
You’re mixing up the internet with real life.
The loudest people online are not necessarily the healthiest people in the room. Social media rewards extremes. Nobody goes viral saying, “I met someone I liked, treated her like a person, communicated clearly, and went home at a reasonable hour.”
So stop letting internet slang become your moral compass.
But I also want to challenge you on something. Treating women with respect does not automatically make you mature, secure, or good at relationships. Respect is the floor. It is not some heroic achievement.
And there is an important difference between being respectful and being a “nice guy” who quietly gives attention, favors, money, or emotional energy while hoping to receive affection or sex in return. That is not kindness. That is an unspoken transaction.
You can be kind and still say no. You can be respectful and still walk away. You can tell a woman you’re attracted to her without treating her like an object. You can flirt. You can have standards. You can get rejected and survive it. You can decide casual sex is not for you without judging people who choose differently.
That is what security looks like.
And be careful about assuming everyone hooking up or sending DMs is trying to fill some emotional hole. Sometimes they are. Sometimes they are simply living differently than you. You do not need to diagnose them to decide that lifestyle is not yours.
Dating gets much simpler when you stop trying to win the approval of the culture around you.
Figure out what you actually want. If you want a serious relationship, date like someone looking for a serious relationship. Meet women. Ask them out. Be clear when you’re interested. Pay attention to whether they are equally interested. If somebody plays games, wants something completely different, or repeatedly treats you poorly, leave.
Do not become colder because somebody might call you a simp.
And do not become a doormat because you want to prove you are a good man.
Respect her. Respect yourself. Tell the truth. Have boundaries. Accept rejection without making it a referendum on your worth.
At 20, you do not need to have dating figured out. You need to practice becoming the kind of man who can enter a relationship without abandoning himself to keep one.
That will matter a whole lot longer than whatever people online happen to think is cool this year.