“My boyfriend is a creep”

My boyfriend (29M) and I (27F) have been together for three years, and we recently threw a Halloween party.

Some attractive women came over who were friends of friends. I didn’t really know them, but as soon as they arrived, my boyfriend started acting strangely.

We’ve had trust issues in our relationship before, so I asked him not to give them unnecessary attention. His response was, “I’m trying my best, but it won’t be easy.”

That alone made me uncomfortable.

Throughout the party, I noticed him finding random excuses to be near them. At one point, he started washing apples right next to them for seemingly no reason. It felt like he was deliberately trying to get closer to them.

He eventually left the party early because he had to wake up the next morning.

The following day, one of the women messaged me to thank me for inviting them. But then she mentioned that there had been a creepy guy at the party who kept staring at her and her friends.

Since there were a lot of people there, I told her I didn’t know everyone who attended.

She then sent me a screenshot from a video she’d taken at the party. She had circled the guy in red.

It was my boyfriend.

She explained that he’d been staring at them so much that it made them extremely uncomfortable. She said he was giving off stalker vibes and that they thought his behavior was creepy.

I was mortified.

Not only had my boyfriend been openly checking out other women at our own party, but apparently he’d been doing it so intensely that they felt uncomfortable enough to reach out to me afterward.

I felt disrespected, embarrassed, and honestly ashamed. I even felt embarrassed that this was the man I loved.

I don’t know how to respond to the woman who messaged me, and I don’t know what to say to my boyfriend.

The whole situation has left me feeling like a fool.

I haven’t been able to leave my house since it happened. I feel sick to my stomach, I can barely eat, and I feel completely paralyzed by everything.

I know that might sound dramatic, but we already had trust issues, and this has made everything so much worse.

I don’t trust him anymore.

How am I supposed to rebuild our relationship after something like this? And how do I deal with the humiliation and embarrassment of what happened?

First, you’re not embarrassed because your boyfriend noticed attractive women. You’re embarrassed because his behavior made those women so uncomfortable that one of them felt the need to reach out and tell you about it.

And let’s talk about what he said when you asked him not to give them attention.

“I’m trying my best, but it won’t be easy.”

What does that even mean?

He’s 29 years old. Acting respectfully around attractive women shouldn’t be some impossible challenge. You shouldn’t have to supervise your boyfriend at your own party or worry about what he’s doing every time someone attractive walks into the room.

But here’s the bigger issue. You’ve already had trust problems in this relationship, and now you’re asking how to rebuild something that he hasn’t even taken responsibility for breaking.

You cannot rebuild trust by yourself.

You need to sit down with him and have an honest conversation. Tell him what happened, what the woman said, and how deeply this affected you. Then pay attention to his response.

Does he acknowledge that his behavior was inappropriate? Does he care that he made those women uncomfortable? Does he understand why you’re hurt? Or does he get defensive, dismiss your feelings, and accuse you of being jealous?

Because his reaction will tell you a lot about whether this relationship can actually move forward.

And I want you to stop carrying his embarrassment.

You didn’t make those women uncomfortable. You didn’t behave inappropriately at your own party. He did. His choices are not a reflection of your worth, and you don’t need to feel ashamed for loving someone who disappointed you.

But I’m also concerned about how much this has affected you. You said you can’t eat, leave the house, or function normally. That’s serious. Please reach out to someone you trust, get some support, and take care of yourself. If you’re continuing to struggle with eating or daily life, talk to a healthcare professional. No relationship should consume your entire sense of peace.

And here’s something I want you to think about.

Are you trying to save this relationship because you genuinely believe things can change, or because you’re afraid of walking away from three years together?

Those are two very different reasons to stay.

You deserve a relationship where you can enjoy a party without feeling like you have to babysit your boyfriend. You deserve to feel secure without constantly wondering where his attention is going.

That doesn’t mean he can never find another woman attractive. It means he needs to know how to behave respectfully and make you feel like you’re in a committed relationship.

You don’t have to decide today whether to stay or leave. But don’t rush to forgive him just because you want this awful feeling to go away.

Trust is rebuilt through accountability and consistent behavior, not promises and apologies.

And if you’re the only one doing the work to fix this, then you’re not rebuilding a relationship. You’re just teaching yourself to tolerate one that keeps hurting you.