Life Experiences

1. I struggle a lot with self confidence and a good chunk of that stems from my height, it’s impossible to not feel huge and just generally unfeminine. I have horrible posture that everyone points out but I just can’t bring myself to straighten up my spine without feeling like I take up too much space. I would like to learn how to gain confidence around being a tall woman because I’m tired of constantly feeling insecure and masculine due to my height.

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1. Easy, tbh. Not easy like you never fight, or you never have to accommodate, or be flexible. It’s just…not a constant struggle where you’re trying to convince yourself that everything’s ok. That shit is exhausting.

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1. The absolute best benefit is that I notice, within myself, when negative thoughts or emotions are arising.

I can see them before they get out of control, observe them and their causes, and adjust. I can think critically and evaluate my options before acting hastily.

Likewise, when somebody says something that upsets me, I don’t just react. I stop to observe it’s effects on me, think about why it affects me like that, and then consider the intention of the speaker. This helps me avoid unnecessary conflict due to misunderstanding.

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Is this a cult?

No. Not a cult because with a cult people would try to keep people here forever and try to get everyone to think the same. People leave whenever they want, sometimes we’re sad because they are our friends, but we want people to do what they want.

We share everything, but there is a wide number of opinions, which can often make decision making difficult, but it is valuable to have so many different outlooks.

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An immediate family member last year was diagnosed with bronchiolitis obliterans (popcorn lungs) with an unknown cause to it. It is something that is not curable. As someone who was a daily part of my life it was hard to watch the condition progress.

His condition progressively got worse and he was transferred to a palativcare physicality a couple of weeks ago. He wasn’t happy living the way he was living and slowly dying. The doctors discussed with him the option of assisted death… something he did not know about, and myself I thought was still not finalized in Canada yet, so it was a surprise to hear this.

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The sun rises over a clear blue sky, marking the beginning of a beautiful Saturday morning. Six hours later, I wake up in my room with terrible breath and a bit of a headache. The images of last night are still fresh in my memory. My group of friends met this nice group of girls at the club, and one of my friends hit it off with one of the girls. Me, I did not even try, as usual. Always too shy. Too scared to face rejection and too insecure to picture any other outcome. The memory of the night leaves me horny and feeling bad about myself: a perfect combination for watching porn.

It’s 4:25 pm when my parents leave the house.

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