Advice Column

I’m 41 and married to an incredible woman—an amazing parent, partner, and friend. We met in college. She fell in love with me first; it took me longer to realize I loved her too. Eventually I did, and I married her.

The truth is, I’ve made serious mistakes in our marriage—ones that probably should have ended it. I cheated early on. I wasn’t there for her during postpartum depression. I wasn’t there the way she needed after a miscarriage. And then there were all the smaller failures that add up. I said I loved her, but my actions didn’t back it up.

[Read more…] about “My marriage is falling apart and I don’t know how to fix it”

For context, I (44F) have two kids (20M and 18F) with my ex. About seven years ago we split, and when they were still teens, I decided to move abroad to start fresh and pursue my dating life. I sold my house quickly and left shared custody to my ex and a grandparent, then relocated to be near family. I’ve been with my fiancé (36M) for about a year and a half, we got engaged recently, and we’re getting married in June. I call my kids weekly, though usually just for a few minutes.

Over the holidays, my younger child and a grandparent visited me for the first time since I moved. They stayed with my fiancé’s parents because our place is small. While she was polite at times, she was mostly cold, rude to his family, dismissive toward him, complained constantly, and even made an inappropriate gesture in a family photo. I spoke to her about her behavior, but nothing really changed. After she went home, I told her on the phone I wouldn’t be getting her anything else for her birthday because of how she acted.

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I’m 28 and we’ve been dating about a year and a half. He lives at home with his parents and a few younger brothers, which already feels odd—especially since he’s not caring for them and has a stable job. What bothers me more is that he can’t cook or do laundry, and it seems like his mom handles everything for him. He’s also pretty stubborn and immature in arguments, and he often rushes home early for no real reason, like he’s worried about what his family will think.

He talks like he’s above needing goals or excitement, which comes off arrogant rather than confident. I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this, but his lack of independence and reluctance to grow up is starting to feel like a real turnoff. Is this as strange as it feels?

[Read more…] about “Is it weird that he’s 40 and living with parents?”

We were together for about nine months, and up until a month ago, I genuinely thought things were going well. Then, out of nowhere, she told me we needed to break up. I was blindsided. When I asked why, she said I wasn’t attentive enough and that she deserved better.

I felt confused, angry, and hurt all at once. I thought I was giving her the right amount of attention. Clearly, she didn’t see it that way. I would have fought for the relationship. I would have tried harder. But when she said she could “do better,” something in me shut down.

[Read more…] about “Did I fail my girlfriend’s test?

Several months ago, my wife (35F) and I (30F) agreed to try opening our relationship. We had a few solo and shared experiences, and pretty quickly it became clear we weren’t on the same page. She didn’t like me forming connections with other people, but she didn’t want to “force” me to stop. I, on the other hand, enjoyed exploring other relationships and wanted to keep that door open.

Over time, I developed a separate relationship with one of our shared partners. My wife knew about it, though she was uneasy from the start. We struggled to figure out how much detail she wanted and what boundaries felt safe. This was all new territory, so I tried to tell her as much as she asked for while keeping things from feeling intrusive. At one point, she even reached out to my partner to smooth things over between us because she knew how happy that relationship made me.

[Read more…] about “My wife and i tried an open relationship. Now she’s hurt and I don’t know how to fix it.”

I’m 25, my fiancée is 29, and we have a one-year-old son. My brother is 30 and his husband is 31. I work on a farm and make $58,000 a year.

About 18 months ago, we renovated our house and I borrowed $25,000 from my brother. We agreed I’d pay him back with no set timeline. I even wrote a simple contract saying, “I will pay you back,” but it didn’t include dates or amounts.

Since then, we’ve had our son and have been living paycheck to paycheck. We haven’t been able to start paying him back yet, and he knew our situation and never pushed for money.

[Read more…] about “Is it unreasonable to pay my brother $10 a week on a $25k loan while we’re struggling?”

My wife and I have a six-month-old daughter. She’s mostly a stay-at-home mom, working two half days a week while her sister watches the baby. I work full time and attend school one day a week. From the beginning, we’ve had a setup we’re both happy with: she handles most of the household duties—cooking, cleaning, and baby care—and I support us financially. Honestly, we’re living a life we both wanted, and my wife does an incredible job taking care of our daughter and our home.

On weekends, we usually split baby duties and try to make sure we each get some personal time. Lately, though, our baby has hit a sleep regression and is waking every couple of hours. Since my wife breastfeeds, she handles all nighttime wake-ups. She’s a light sleeper and struggles with insomnia, while I’m a deep sleeper and wouldn’t wake to the baby anyway.

Recently, my wife has asked me to wake up with the baby both weekend mornings so she can get an extra hour of sleep. The baby wakes around 7 a.m., and during that time I get her dressed and take over. I understand why she needs it—but sometimes I want to be the one who sleeps in. I brought this up, and she said she really needs that hour because she can’t nap during the day the way I can.

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I’m going through a very difficult time in my marriage. It started when I entered a period of depression. My wife and I both have demanding jobs, and a new project at work required longer hours, which is what triggered the depression.

While I was dealing with that, I made a serious mistake. I started confiding in a coworker about how I was feeling. I believed I could trust her as a friend, but I was in a vulnerable state, and that led to an affair.

My wife found out, and we are going to counseling on Monday. Right now, our marriage is on the ropes. I’ve been trying to get her to understand my depression and how low my mental health was, but she doesn’t want to hear it.

[Read more…] about “I was manipulated into cheating on my wife. How do we move forward through our marriage?

We have been a couple for 7 years. I only now realize we both view her very differently.

From my perspective, she’s never been interested in fashion at all. Always wears black jeans. She has dozens of black tops. She doesn’t wear makeup. Doesn’t get her nails done. Only does root touch ups. And I love her and don’t care about this at all.

From her perspective apparently, she dresses elegantly and minimalistic. She says she is always wearing “no makeup” makeup (I guess she means mascara – not sure). She says she pays the salon every month to colour her hair or it would be grey.

[Read more…] about “I accidentally insulted my partner and she has remained cold ever since.”