Advice Column

I’m 16 years old and have saved up $20,000 in my bank account. Now, my parents are asking to “borrow” the entire amount so they can buy my older sister a car. They say they’ll pay me back with interest.

But I’m uncomfortable with the idea of draining my account. I was planning to use this money for my own college expenses. Should I agree to lend them the money?

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I’m a 28-year-old woman in Toronto, dating a 37-year-old man who’s kind, smart, and full of potential. But here’s the reality: he lives on his parents’ basement couch, doesn’t work, lost his license, sleeps all day, and stays up all night.

He’s been clean from substance use for years, but still occasionally uses “snowflake.” I’ve got my life together—educated, employed, building something for myself. I love him and truly believe in his potential, and part of me thinks I can help him turn things around, but I’m scared I’m holding myself back.

Do I stick around or move on? I need brutal honesty.

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My 18-year-old daughter has been dating a 51-year-old man for two months. My husband and I strongly disapprove of the relationship—not just because of the age gap, but because he’s older than either of us and we fear she’s being manipulated.

When we confronted her, things escalated. She moved out and is now living with him. We tried involving local authorities, but were told there’s nothing they can do since she’s legally an adult.

Now we’re empty nesters, blindsided, heartbroken, and deeply concerned. I feel depressed and helpless. How do I cope with this situation?

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My partner is in a college/work training program and has been struggling a lot. Recently, he was referred to student support to assess for possible learning or mental disabilities. As part of that process, he took an IQ test and scored 72.

I wasn’t completely surprised. He often struggles with basic tasks and lacks common sense. Still, he’s a kind person, and I’ve tried to see him through a compassionate lens—like maybe he just needed more time to learn. But now, knowing this number, it feels different. This isn’t just about immaturity anymore. I’m starting to realize I may always have to carry most of the mental and emotional load in our relationship.

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My husband (37M) and I (36F) have been together for ten years, and lately, I’m scared I’ve caught “the ick.” We’ve been through a lot of change recently, and I feel like something inside me broke.

Last year, we moved across the country to support his creative career. We planned to keep our remote jobs while he tried to break into a new industry. But the day before we left, he was laid off.

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I’m 33, recently married to my husband who’s 35. We’ve been together for four years and married for three months. When we first dated, he was fairly open about money — not exact numbers, but enough that I understood his situation. But since he changed jobs during our engagement, that stopped. Now, he guards his financial details like a state secret.

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I’m 28, and my sister is 30. For the past 15 years, she’s essentially done nothing. She still lives with our parents, spends most of her time in her room on her computer, and has no interests, goals, or friends besides our mom.

She dropped out of high school at 15 and didn’t get her GED until she was 24. She’s only ever held two minimum-wage jobs, each lasting a few months. She refuses therapy, won’t engage with the world, and lashes out anytime I try to help. She’s emotionally stuck in adolescence, and it’s like I’m the only one who sees it.

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I recently got a decent job and was excited to start saving—but when I got my first paycheck, my mom and stepdad took the cash without telling me. In return, they gave me their broken-down car, which felt more like getting rid of junk than a fair trade. I didn’t argue, just figured I’d start saving with the next check.

Now I have to buy groceries every week or risk being kicked out and losing my ride to work. I’ve been covering that, thinking I could still save a little. But then my mom wanted a new car, didn’t have enough money, and told me I had to cover the difference—or move out. I gave her all my savings and half my next check.

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We’ve been married for over six years and have known each other for more than a decade. While he earns more than I do, we split all our shared expenses down the middle, including the mortgage. He covers his own subscriptions and personal spending, and I do the same.

Lately, though, he’s been asking me to pay him back for gas. For instance, if we decide to grab dinner together, he’ll make a “joke” about me owing him for the gas—even if we took separate cars and he wasn’t that interested in going out in the first place. Most recently, after dropping me off and driving my car home, he noticed it was low on fuel and filled it up. Then he sent me a photo of the receipt and asked me to reimburse him.

Is this normal behavior in a marriage?

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Together 14 years, married for 11. I’m 41, he’s 40.

Last week, I got a notification on my phone from our doorbell camera. I watched as someone handed my husband a thick envelope and walked off. He came inside, pale and shaking, and told me it was from a collections attorney—something about unpaid loans.

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