Man-Up

In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference.

People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply “not give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like “Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasn’t going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.”

Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own “didn’t give a fuck” hall of fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.

Now, while not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.

The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.

Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?

This is the problem, my friend.

Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.

Check out the rest of the article at Mark Manson

Pick an area of your life, perhaps your intimate relationship, your career, your relationship with your children, or your spiritual practice. For instance, you are currently doing something to earn a living.

Where do your fears stop you from making a larger contribution to mankind, from earning a higher income, or from earning money in a more creative and enjoyable way? If you were absolutely fearless, would you be earning a living in exactly the sameway as you are now? Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and, instead, cater to your fears.

Have you lost touch with the fears that are limiting and shaping your income and style of livelihood? If you have deluded yourself and feel that you are not afraid, then you are lying to yourself.

All men are afraid, unless they are perfectly free. If you cannot admit this, you are pretending to yourself, and to others. Your friends will feel your fear, even if you do not. Thus, they will lose trust in you, knowing you are deluding yourself, lying to yourself, and are therefore likely to lie to them, consciously or unconsciously.

Or, perhaps you are very aware of your fears: your fear to take risks, your fear of failing, or your fear of succeeding. Perhaps you are comfortable with your life, and you fear the lifestyle change that might accompany a change in career, even though the new career will be closer to what you really want to do with your life. Some men fear the feeling of fear and therefore don’t even approach their edge.

They choose a job they know they can do well and easily, and don’t even approach the fullest giving of their gift. Their lives are relatively secure and comfortable, but dead. They lack the aliveness, the depth, and the inspirational energy that is the sign of a man living at his edge. If you are this kind of man who is hanging back, working hard perhaps, but not at your real edge, other men will not be able to trust that you can and will help them live at their edge and give their fullest gift.

As an experiment, describe your edge with respect to your career out loud to yourself. Say something like, "I know I could be earning more money, but I am too lazy to put in the extra hours it would take. I know that I could give more of my true gift, but I am afraid that I may not succeed, and then I will be a penniless failure. I’ve spent 15 years developing my career, and I’m afraid to let go of it and start fresh, even though I know that I spend most of my life doing things I have no real interest in doing. I could be making money in more creative ways, but I spend too much time watching TV rather than being creative."

Honor your edge. Honor your choices. Be honest with yourself about them. Be honest with your friends about them. A fearful man who knows he is fearful is far more trustable than a fearful man who isn’t aware of his fear. And a fearful man who still leans into his fear, living at his edge and putting his gift out from there, is more trustworthy and more inspirational than a fearful man who hangs back in the comfort zone, unwilling to even experience his fear on a day to day level.

A free man is free to acknowledge his fears, without hiding them, or hiding from them. Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them.

David Deida – The Way Of The Superior Man

Let’s set the record straight.

If women always tell you, “You’re a great guy but I don’t feel that spark…”

It’s because they don’t feel a sexual connection with you. And that’s most likely because you haven’t taken the right actions to facilitate that attraction.

You may be sweet and have engaging conversations. You make women laugh. You wait patiently until a girl’s comfortable with you.

That all builds rapport, trust, and comfort within a connection. But that’s rarely enough to have women desire intimacy with you.

I know this as true even without hearing your story. Easily 9 out of 10 times I’ll be right. People try to argue it’s not that cut and dry…but it is. 

Some men stay in denial. They keep trying to “friend” their way into romance and never flirt, often due to the advice of their female friends.

Those guys struggle endlessly to build romantic connections.

Some women say I’m generalizing. They think that I’m ignoring individuality and preferences. They may even take it as a sexist remark.

I fully recognize and respect your uniqueness. I want other men to appreciate that, too.

But I also recognize patterns. So while maybe all you need is a kind guy who listens well for you to like him — you are in the minority.

For thousand of years women have been attracted to guys with certain qualities. They don’t respond to men who lack them. I’ve seen it thousands of times in the last 10 years.

These qualities tend to be: assertiveness, grit, sexuality, and confidence.

The majority of women select men based on these qualities. It’s hardwired into biology.

Attraction is an emotional response. Women have to FEEL the qualities that turn them on to a man.

If a guy has massive amounts of PASSIVE attractiveness like physical looks, wealth, power, or social status — that can showcase those desireable qualities in itself. Most men, though, need to demonstrate ACTIVE attractiveness to jumpstart their connections.

In the animal kingdom, almost every species has a courtship ritual in which males show their best selves to the females.

Check out the rest of the article at Nick Notas

Developing mental toughness isn’t just about being resilient. It’s also about learning to access your reserve tank when you think you just can’t go any further.

We all think we know our limits. Whether you’re exercising, studying, or just trying to break a bad habit, there’s always that moment when you feel like tapping out. To get past that point, Jesse Itzler at Big Think explains a perspective-altering rule he learned from a Navy SEAL who came to live with for a month:

“The first day that “SEAL” came to live with me he asked me to do — he said how many pull-ups can you do?

I did about eight.

And he said all right. Take 30 seconds and do it again. So 30 seconds later I got up on the bar and I did six, struggling. And he said all right, one more time. We waited 30 seconds and I barely got three or four and I was done. I mean couldn’t move my arms done. And he said all right. We’re not leaving here until you do 100 more. And I thought there’s no — well we’re going to be here for quite a long time because there’s no way that I could do 100. But I ended up doing it one at a time and he showed me, proved to me right there that there was so much more, we’re all capable of so much more than we think we are. And it was just a great lesson.”

You are more capable than you realize, but you have to fight off the mental blocks you’ve established over the years. You can run farther, you can learn more, and you can resist your vices longer. The next time you feel like giving up, remember, you’ve still got 60 percent left.