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Over the last few months my girlfriend and I have had a few fights over how I talk to her. I didn’t recognize it at first but the more I become aware the more I see it.
It seems like anytime there’s any issues or any amount of tension, no matter how little, between us I just blow up and scream at her.
I don’t mean to do it that’s just how I always talked to my parents growing up as they would constantly scream at me.
We met in college—back when late-night pizza runs and procrastinated deadlines were the center of gravity. She was funny. Not in a performative, class-clown way. Her humor had this dry, left-field quality to it. We’d sit next to each other in the computer lab, whispering sarcastic commentary about the professor’s PowerPoint slides. Friendship came easily. Love snuck in quietly, like fog.
[Read more…] about The Weight of Love: My Life With a 500lb Girlfriend
There’s a strange and exhausting kind of loneliness that comes from constantly trying to impress people.
You know the feeling: You’re telling a story at a dinner party, carefully choosing words that make you sound interesting, accomplished, likable. Or you’re on a Zoom call, subtly nodding just a little too much, laughing just a little too loudly—hoping to prove your competence, your relevance, your value.
[Read more…] about Why Being Curious About Others Is More Powerful Than Being Impressive
It’s easy to think we’re alone out here.
That we’re all just wandering through the dark, clutching at meaning, dodging pain, trying not to fall apart in public. Life can feel so staggeringly individual—your thoughts, your wounds, your fears—like you’re the only one who wakes up with the weight of it all pressing down on your chest before your feet even hit the floor.
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I’m nearly 40, divorced. I live with my mom, in a kind of mutually beneficial arrangement- I pay the mortgage, which is like…. 1000 dollars a month…. And I don’t have to pay Los Angeles rent. But she needs me there because otherwise she can’t keep the house.
So, I’m working. The job is just a job. Pays well but not well enough to live in LA and pay rent and have headroom. I can’t really leave. I also just do not care about my work and I’m phoning it in. And the world is falling apart.
I’m facing a tough future with Social Security—looks like I’ll get about $650 a month at age 67, and it doesn’t seem possible to raise it much. I have 32 years of work history, three zero-income years, and nothing to show except some small self-employment income.
I’m at a loss. My wife (31F) and I (35M) have been together five years and have two young kids. Early on, I caught her sexting and talking to men online. She’s always had kinks she was embarrassed about, which she now explores with sex workers on OnlyFans. I tried to set boundaries but eventually allowed it, figuring at least she wasn’t hiding anything. I’ve done everything I can to fulfill her fantasies, but she constantly critiques me. My confidence is shot. Every other partner I’ve had was satisfied, but nothing I do is ever good enough for her.
I stopped watching porn, and at first it felt like the smallest decision in the world. It wasn’t the result of a crusade or some kind of rock-bottom moment. It was more like realizing you’ve been listening to the same song on repeat for years, and one day, you just don’t want to hear it anymore. You get up, turn off the music, and sit in the new quiet. It’s not dramatic, but it’s different.
[Read more…] about How Quitting Porn Brought Me Back to My Marriage
