There are moments in life — small, odd, sticky moments — that lodge themselves in your memory like a shard of glass in the carpet. You step on them occasionally, when you’re not expecting to. You’re not bleeding, not really. But the pain still feels real.
A few days ago, a friend texted me asking if I could review her daughter’s college essay. She’d been stressing over it, and they just wanted “another set of eyes.” Normally, I’d say yes—because I like to be helpful, because I like being the person people can count on. But this time, something stopped me.
We all know someone like this.
They walk into the room and instantly put people at ease. Conversations with them feel effortless. You don’t worry about saying the wrong thing or being judged. You feel seen—and strangely, a little more yourself.
It starts subtly.
You’re lying in bed next to someone you love. Maybe even someone you once obsessed over. The light hits their skin in that same familiar way. They reach for you. And instead of feeling excitement, or desire, or even warmth… you feel nothing. Or worse—you feel annoyed. Disinterested. Numb.
A good marriage isn’t something that “just happens.” It’s not the result of chemistry, luck, or choosing the perfect soulmate. And it certainly doesn’t stay strong because of a wedding ring or a shared last name.
A good marriage is built—intentionally, consistently, and with a deep understanding that love is not a feeling to be chased, but a daily choice to be made.
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Let me be clear right out of the gate: being friends with an ex isn’t inherently wrong. Life is complicated. People grow. Some relationships end amicably. Some co-parent. Some work together. Some share friend groups. I get it.
But if you’re dating someone who’s still friends with their ex—and I mean actual friends, not just polite at mutual events—it’s worth pausing and asking a simple question:
“Why?”
