Advice Column

I’m 39 and I’ve never been in a relationship or been physically intimate with anyone. Not once.

I live in a major U.S. city and work as a senior engineer for a well-known tech company. On paper, my life looks solid. I make good money and have built a strong career. I go to a monthly board game meetup and volunteer at neighborhood cleanups. I try to be social. I ask people about their lives, suggest grabbing food after events, and make an effort to stay connected.

I work out most weekdays. I take care of myself. Good hygiene, a simple skincare routine, regular haircuts, clean clothes. I’m 5’9”, about 145 pounds, and in good shape. I’ve been on multiple dating apps for years and barely get any matches.

[Read more…] about “I’m 39 and scared I will never get married and have kids”

I’ve always laughed off the term “work spouse,” but today something shifted. My coworker Laura made a joke that only we would get, and my first instinct wasn’t to tell my spouse—it was to keep it as our thing.

I realized I’ve been sharing more of my daily emotional highs and lows with someone at a desk than with the person I share a bed with. My spouse hasn’t done anything wrong, but I’ve been emotionally lazy. I’m shutting it down starting tomorrow.

Has anyone else caught themselves sliding into an emotional affair without realizing it? How did you fix the distance at home?

[Read more…] about “I realized today that I am a work-husband with a coworker and I feel sick about it”

Me (27m) and my girlfriend (25f) been together for about 10 months. Lately I’ve started noticing she’s really weird about her phone. Keeps it face down all the time, turns off notifications when I’m around, and takes it with her even if she’s just stepping out for a minute.

She used to be more open, like showing me memes or stuff from her chats, but now it’s like the phone is some top secret device. I’m not the kind of guy who snoops, and I haven’t gone through it, but I can’t lie – it’s starting to bother me.

I asked her if something’s up, she just said “I like my privacy”. That’s all. No explanation.

Is this a red flag? I wanna trust her, but it’s hard not to feel like she’s hiding something. Anyone been through this?

[Read more…] about “Is it a red flag if my gf hides their phone around me?”

My wife and I have been together for about a decade and we have three young kids together. For most of our relationship she was never someone who put a lot of effort into her appearance. She was always naturally beautiful, but she did not really dress up or focus much on how she looked.

A couple of years ago she went through a phase where she felt like she did not have an identity outside of being a mom. Since then she has started traveling more, joining social groups, dressing up, and wearing makeup.

[Read more…] about “Is it wrong for me to not compliment my wife so that she won’t become vain?”

I have been married to my wife for four years. In the beginning everything felt perfect. I wanted to give her everything she never had growing up. She came from a financially unstable family and had never experienced things like travel, nice clothes, or good restaurants. I was excited to provide that life for her and to protect her.

She loved me deeply and unconditionally. She worked eight hours a day like I did, but still cooked, cleaned, and did my laundry. She even learned new recipes just to make me happy. She seemed genuinely happy caring for me.

Things changed when I started gambling. I lost everything. My savings, her savings, my salary, and I even stole from her. She still did not leave.

[Read more…] about “I fucked up big time”

We’ve been together almost 10 years, married for 7, and started dating in our early 20s. We have two young boys, ages 2 and 4. From my perspective, our marriage has been solid. Life is busy with kids, so we don’t go out much, but neither do our friends since they’re mostly parents too.

A few weeks ago, my wife went out drinking with mutual friends while I stayed home with the kids (we take turns about once a month). She came home pretty drunk and randomly asked what’s something I haven’t done that I want to do. Then she asked if I’d ever consider opening our marriage. This completely shocked me because she’s usually very risk averse. I asked if she was worried about jealousy (she said no), if she had someone in mind (she said no), and how it would even work (she suggested maybe starting with a threesome). I told her we should talk about it when she was sober.

[Read more…] about “My wife asked me if I would ever consider an open relationship”

Next month marks four years for me (28F) and my boyfriend (30M). We live together with our two dogs, and early on, we both agreed that marriage and kids were in our future. About a year ago, I asked him when he thought we’d get married, and he mentioned he always imagined dating someone for 5-6 years before tying the knot. That worked for me, as I wanted to be married before 30.

Now, as our anniversary approaches, I’m starting to feel like we’re not moving in that direction. When I brought it up, he admitted he feels emotionally inadequate, worried he can’t meet my needs for affection. He said the differences in our emotional needs are draining for him, even when we’re not actively addressing them. He also expressed concerns about being a people-pleaser and how our differences could chip away at him over time.

[Read more…] about “Boyfriend of 4 years doesn’t know if he will ever want to marry me”