Advice Column

My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and we have two young children. Around the time we got married, he started a business and went all in without discussing it with me first. For about eight years, the business was extremely profitable. It grew to more than 20 employees, several stores, and a small factory.

At the time, I also had a high paying job. After I became pregnant, I changed careers and worked part time so our family would have health insurance. Most of my income went toward groceries. We lived frugally with his parents and saved a significant amount of money. But my husband also moved money into accounts I cannot access. I do not even know where those accounts are or how much is in them.

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I’m 27M and have been dating my girlfriend, 25F, for about six months. Things have been going well, but we recently had an argument about boundaries, and now I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

In my previous relationship, my ex and I agreed not to spend time one on one with friends of the opposite sex or maintain close friendships with them. She stopped talking to a few male friends she had previously hooked up with or who had expressed interest in her. She also limited nonwork conversations with male coworkers. The only male friend she remained close with was gay because neither of us saw him as a potential romantic threat.

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My wife and I have an 18 month old son. We split childcare roughly 60/40, with her doing a little more. I cook, she cleans, and I contribute more financially. Her business only requires a few calls each week, while mine is in an active growth phase and usually requires 10 to 12 hours of work a day.

I mention all of that because we are both involved parents and contributing partners. The problem is that my wife sometimes has extreme reactions to minor inconveniences. Some weeks she handles stress perfectly well. Other times, the smallest problem can cause a complete meltdown. I often feel like I am walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate what might set her off.

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My wife and my family have never really gotten along. Whenever there is an argument, my wife expects me to take her side. Most of the time I do because I am her husband and I do not want her to feel like she is alone.

Recently, though, something happened that made me rethink that.

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My partner, 36M, and I, 31F, have been together for four and a half years and were friends for several years before that.

He works in tech and I work in education, so he was already earning more than me. Two months ago, though, he accepted a new position that more than doubled his salary. He now makes almost three times what I do.

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My girlfriend and I kissed on our third date when we first started seeing each other. That night, we became intimate, and about two weeks later, we had sex for the first time. She was a virgin, and I was her first sexual partner.

We have now been together for a year and three months. Our relationship is great, and I genuinely believe she is someone I could marry. But there is one thing I cannot seem to get past. I keep thinking about how quickly she trusted me and became intimate with me.

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I won a pretty decent amount of money from a scratch off ticket last week. It is nothing life changing like millions, but it is enough to pay off my car and put a nice down payment on a house.

I told my immediate family, just my parents and siblings. Apparently word got around to my extended family because now my cousin will not stop calling me.

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I filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy last year after about a decade of bad financial decisions. Earlier this year, I took out a small personal loan to help me get back on my feet. At the time, I thought I would be able to pay it off pretty easily.

After a rough few months, I’m now $3,300 in personal loan debt. I owe $1,800 at 380% APR and another $1,500 at 275% APR.

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I hate my wife, and I hate what I have allowed our marriage to do to my life. At the same time, I hate myself for what I have done to hers.

We had children even though, deep down, I did not want to. I should have been more honest with myself about that. I resent her for not finishing her degree, and I resent myself for not recognizing that she was never going to take it seriously. I hate that she spends far more than we can afford, and I hate myself for allowing that to continue.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. For about the last year, I’ve been talking about wanting to move. He has always been apprehensive about it, but I’ve tried to keep the conversation open so we could figure out what our future might look like together.

Last month, he signed another one year contract at his current job. I found out after the fact. That really hurt because he knew I wanted to move, and it felt like he made a major decision that affects our future without even talking to me about it.

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