Category: Advice Column

I’m a 42 year old man who still lives with my parents. I work full time as a software tester, own my car, pay my way, and contribute heavily around the house. I handle chores, help with groceries, do my own laundry, cook, and take care of the responsibilities that come with adult life. I’m not dependent on my parents. I simply share a home with them.

I’ve lived on my own before. I moved away for a job and rented my own place, but when that job ended, I came back home. Since then, I’ve found a stable job that’s going well, and I’ve used the opportunity to save money and build financial security. Living at home allows me to save while still enjoying hobbies and interests like movies, salsa dancing, technology, and video games.

I am 35 years old. I have a steady job that pays the bills and lets me save a little each month, but not much more than that. There are no vacations, no splurges, and no big leaps forward. Just the same routine every month: work, bills, and a little left over.

I try to be grateful that I am not drowning in debt or struggling to make rent, but it is hard not to look around and feel envious. Friends are buying homes, taking trips, or getting help from their families to build the kind of life I can only imagine. I know everyone’s situation is different, but sometimes it feels like I am doing everything right and still falling behind.

I am a coward and a weak man, and have always been . I avoid conflict and take shit from others, when I was younger I never fought back when people picked on me or even hit me, because I always thought that they were stronger and I only wanted it to end.

Even as an Adult I have been avoiding it, wether it be in the workplace, school, or with friends (changing the way I talk or hiding my opinions to please others), while telling myself that it’s better “to keep the peace” but in reality it is simply because I am afraid of the confrontation and do not want to upset anybody in anyway.

Every day it feels like my dream of having a family is dying.

If I am being honest, I let go of that dream a while ago and accepted that I am probably going to stay single. I don’t know what’s worse, being a 23 year old virgin or constantly feeling like women play with your emotions.

I was with my ex for 7 years she’s 36 and I miss her all the time, I look at other women and they all seem like downgrades in comparison to my ex. She was perfect, great ass, great boobs slim waist, nice face. Everything about her physically was great, the internal not so much since she cheated on me and was manipulative and abusive at times.

But part of me still wants her and I am extremely jealous of the guy she cheated on me with as he is now with her in a relationship.

Whilst I can’t find anyone or am attracted to anyone. It’s been 8 months and I just feel stuck fantasising about her and what she’s doing and how I am never going to be with a woman as hot as her ever again in my life.

My parents have always had unspoken expectations for their kids. If someone in the family is doing well, it’s like I have to do better so they can stop feeling sorry for themselves. If someone buys something—like electronics, clothes, or a house—it’s on me to work harder and buy it for them too. I used to be okay with this because it seemed to make them happy, and if I could manage it, I didn’t mind.