Every hard conversation you put off is a pebble in your shoe. Each day is a painful step that you tell yourself “Not yet, I can’t stop and deal with this right now. It’s too much trouble or pain to face this, I’ll get to it later.” How many pebbles are in your shoe now? How many times throughout your day do you wince as you feel the pebble and dread dealing with it? How heavy is that emotional burden?
Photo by Min An
This question can solve your challenges with laziness and self-sabotage.
Take a minute to consider the following:
1) How do you speak to yourself?
2) How do you speak about yourself to others?
3) How do you treat yourself when you do something right?
4) How do you treat yourself when you do something wrong or incorrect?
5) How do attempt to control your behaviours/habits?
Anxiety is commonly reported as a women’s issue, with even very recent research studies suggesting that women are twice as likely to suffer from anxiety as men.
However in recent years there seems to be increased discussion about male anxiety and several high profile men including Johnny Depp and Captain America star, Chris Evans, have admitted in interviews that they suffer from anxiety disorders.
I thought if I did enough self improvement I would be happy. I thought that losing the weight, learning to beat procrastination, and practicing happiness affirmations would make me a content human being.
But my self love was conditional. I felt good when I made progress on my goals. It was great when I applied what I learned. But there are always setbacks.
And when you love yourself conditionally those setbacks are cause for brutal self evisceration.
Paralympic athletes are extraordinary for a number of reasons. Just watching them train and compete at the highest level is one of the most motivating things you can experience. These exceptional human begins prove, without a doubt, that nothing is impossible if your truly believe it can be done.
Watch and listen when they compete and talk and you might learn something invaluable. Here are five priceless things that Paralympic athletes can teach the rest of us.
“I’m a failure because I don’t have a good job. Because I haven’t found a special someone yet. Because my body isn’t the right shape. Because I’m poor. Who I am is not good enough.”
Why do so many people relate to those words? Why is the default mental narrative of so many people “I’m a failure and I have no hope of getting better”?
How a man views fear will shape his life, his love, and his legacy. From a young age we’re taught to use fear as a gage. If something scares us, we are to stay away from it. If something is safe, we gravitate towards it. We’re taught that fear as a mechanism to keep us safe, to fear strangers, crossing the highway, big animals, new situations, and risk.
We’re taught to use fear to stay safe, unhurt, and alive, by our parents, who were taught to do so by their parents, who were taught to use fear by their parents, and so on, all the way back to the days when you always had to be on the lookout for predators, and your only defense was your mind, your spear, and your fear.
I spent too much time reading books about how to budget/exercise/make friends the “right way.” I had a twisted view that once I learned enough things I would suddenly be happy, like happiness is a prize you get for checking enough boxes on some invisible list.
That shit doesn’t work. Now I’m just older, with more grey hair, and I spent 5 years as a stressed out, insecure, neurotic workaholic collecting unrelated skills instead of creating happy memories.
The cost of doing the right thing gets too much attention. The cost of doing nothing gets too little. Eating broccoli to lose weight sounds like a sacrifice until you compare it to hating your body every single day. Writing and rewriting a rough draft sounds hard until compared to realizing you didn’t write a single page of your novel last year. Yes hard work is hard. But regret is so much harder.
It’s critically important to see the connection between things you do today and the big picture of where you’re going. You can’t let today just to feel like 24 hours. A few meals and a few things you do out of routine.
That isn’t what today is. The most grand things you will ever accomplish in your life happen one day at a time, in small pieces. The biggest things you’ve done so far in your life were not single heroic acts. Walking across a stage at graduation is not earning a degree, it’s all the hours of study and tests over years that came before. Cutting the ribbon on a bridge is not building a bridge, it’s all the months or years of dreaming and planning and work and construction and all the things that didn’t go as planned.