Caveman Circus

Next month marks four years for me (28F) and my boyfriend (30M). We live together with our two dogs, and early on, we both agreed that marriage and kids were in our future. About a year ago, I asked him when he thought we’d get married, and he mentioned he always imagined dating someone for 5-6 years before tying the knot. That worked for me, as I wanted to be married before 30.

Now, as our anniversary approaches, I’m starting to feel like we’re not moving in that direction. When I brought it up, he admitted he feels emotionally inadequate, worried he can’t meet my needs for affection. He said the differences in our emotional needs are draining for him, even when we’re not actively addressing them. He also expressed concerns about being a people-pleaser and how our differences could chip away at him over time.

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My parents have struggled financially for as long as I can remember. They refuse to work traditional jobs because they don’t want to deal with “corporate America,” so they do gigs like DoorDash and GrubHub, barely getting by. Last year, they lived with us for six months, crammed into our two-bedroom apartment with my wife, 1-year-old son, my parents, little sister, and their husky. It was suffocating and put a huge strain on our marriage. We couldn’t kick them out because I didn’t want to leave my sister without a place to go.

[Read more…] about “My parents are trying to live with us”

Tonight my wife and I were looking through a “memory” folder her phone automatically created, mostly filled with photos of our family and kids.

For context, about five years ago my wife had what I’d describe as an emotional affair with a coworker. At the time I found a lot of messages and photos on her phone. She always insisted nothing physical happened, but some of the conversations were very detailed and clearly crossed boundaries.

While scrolling through the photo album tonight, two revealing photos of her from around that same time suddenly appeared. I had never seen those pictures before, and they definitely weren’t sent to me. They were date-stamped from five years ago. She quickly deleted them and said she didn’t remember taking them and that they must have been accidental.

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I work in a creative field, and my partner works in tech and has a strong engineering background. Because of that, she tends to believe she understands anything remotely technical.

Recently, the heating system in the house she owns stopped working and started throwing error codes. She immediately wanted to open the unit herself and “see what was going on.” I wasn’t comfortable with that because these systems involve high voltage and refrigerant, and a mistake could mean serious damage or huge repair costs. So I called a professional technician to check it out.

[Read more…] about “I called a technician behind her back and now she’s mad”

I am overweight. I am not extremely insecure, but I do not love my body either. My boyfriend has always been thin. Earlier in our relationship, I made some comments I regret, like saying he was not really “hot,” just cute, and that in different circumstances I might not have dated him. I apologized, but he clearly took it to heart.

A few months later, he became very focused on the gym and eating healthy. When we go out, he always orders the healthiest option or sometimes will not eat at all if there is nothing that fits his plan. He says he is still close enough to his calorie goal and that missing some days is not a big deal.

[Read more…] about “I want my boyfriend to go back to how he was”

My wife (31F) and I (46M) have been together six years and married for two. She used to talk to me constantly — sharing her day, her thoughts, everything. But she also wanted to talk a lot about problems in our relationship.

It often felt like every conversation was about what I was doing wrong. She said I spent too much time talking to my exes (we’re friends), that I prioritized work over her (it’s my career), and that I didn’t care enough about her. It felt like we were always having serious talks.

About a year ago, I told her I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was tired of hearing criticism and felt like I deserved a break since I provide everything we need. I told her if she didn’t like how I did things, she could leave and we’d divorce. She said she was trying to communicate because she felt unappreciated and thought I had one foot out the door, but I felt she was being unreasonable.

[Read more…] about “My wife won’t talk to me anymore”