Advice Column

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over five years. We have a two year old together and have lived together the entire time. On the surface, everything is stable. We share a car, rent a house, and split utilities. Our life works.

The problem is that he won’t marry me.

We talk about the future a lot, and it’s clear he plans to stay with me, but marriage never seems to be part of that plan. Whenever I bring it up, he gets defensive or brushes it off. Sometimes he says things like “why don’t you just ask me” or that marriage is just a piece of paper. But to me, it means a lot more than that.

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I don’t know if I’m going crazy, but my fiancée and I are having a huge argument. We are not even married yet and we have never fought like this before.

Where I’m from, engaged couples host a party before their wedding. Some people call it a social, a Jack and Jill, or a stag and doe. The whole point is to raise money. You rent a hall, people pay to get in, and there are raffles, games, or auctions. Family and friends donate prizes, bring food for a potluck, and alcohol is sold at the event.

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I have a 2019 Toyota Camry that’s fully paid off. My dad paid it off for me a few years ago, and I’ve kept up with maintenance. It’s been completely reliable with zero issues.

But I’ve been eyeing a Mercedes for about two years now.

I’m single, no kids, and make decent money. Part of me wants to finally treat myself to something nicer. I’ve never had a car payment before, so I’m trying to stay practical. I’m not looking for anything over the top, just something more elevated, probably a used Mercedes.

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A few weeks ago, I asked out a female coworker I had real feelings for. For me, this was a big step. I’ve never really been in a relationship before and I was nervous the whole time. When I asked her, she seemed confused, like she didn’t realize it was meant to be a date, but I didn’t back down.

Leading up to it, things felt good. She didn’t ghost me, she showed up looking great, and we spent time together. But early on, it became clear she thought it was just a friendly hangout. She told me she doesn’t date coworkers and that she isn’t really interested in dating in general. She didn’t say she wasn’t attracted to me, just that dating isn’t something she wants.

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My friend and co-worker was invited to his close friend’s wedding and received a plus one. Since he had just broken up with his girlfriend, he didn’t want to go alone and be seen alone in photos on social media so he asked if I would go with him.

I love weddings and didn’t have plans for the weekend and always wanted to see this particular venue in person anyway as I always pictured it for myself so i said yes. I didn’t know the bride and groom but I am aware of wedding etiquette such as don’t wear white, don’t upstage the bride, be polite, etc.

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My wife texts male coworkers about non-work things late into the night. She talks about our marriage with them, confides in them, and sometimes meets up with them without telling me. Their messages include things like “xoxo,” kissing emojis, saying they miss each other, and she even calls one of them “hubs.”

When I confront her, she denies anything is going on and avoids even saying their names. She says they’re like annoying brothers, but that doesn’t line up with how she talks to them. I don’t buy the idea of “work spouses.” It feels disrespectful and like something that starts small and turns into flirting without labels.

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