Advice Column

I’m a 20 year old guy, and I was raised to treat women with respect, honesty, and basic decency. I don’t see women as objects or as something to chase for validation. That’s just how I am.

But online, it feels like treating women well gets labeled as “simping.” Somehow being genuine or caring is seen as weak or uncool, and I don’t really understand it.

At the same time, I see a lot of people my age hooking up or sliding into random DMs because they’re insecure or looking for validation. Maybe it makes them feel better for a little while, but it seems like a temporary fix that can mess with your head in the long run.

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My wife and I have a toddler, and my wife recently had a miscarriage. Our toddler was with us at the ultrasound when we got the bad news. My wife was devastated, but she immediately tried to protect our daughter from what was happening. She told her not to worry and promised that instead, we would take her to a theme park she loves. My wife pushed through the whole experience without really showing her grief.

Afterward, she went through multiple rounds of medication that did not work, then eventually needed surgery. The surgery happened during the week we were supposed to go on a beach vacation with my family, so we had to cancel that trip.

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My son is 20 and is in a relationship with his 19 year old first cousin. He is an adult, lives on his own, and from a legal standpoint, he is not doing anything wrong because relationships between first cousins are legal in our state.

I obviously do not like the situation, but I also love my son and want to continue supporting him. I am struggling with how to handle something I strongly disagree with without pushing him away. What would you do in my situation?

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I had to check my 16 year old daughter’s phone. I know people will have opinions about that, but there were genuine reasons for my concern. I didn’t do it behind her back, and I wasn’t trying to invade her privacy for no reason.

While I was checking, I found messages where she was telling her friends that she wants to get pregnant and have a baby. From what I can tell, she also has a boyfriend. I don’t have a problem with her having a boyfriend. What worries me is that she’s been talking to him about wanting a baby, and it sounds like they both want the same thing.

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At the start of July, my girlfriend, Lily, and I went to a wedding where both of our sisters were getting married: Maya, my sister, and Mary, Lily’s sister.

The wedding itself was great. I do not know how else to explain it other than it being social anxiety’s arch nemesis.

Then came the bouquet toss.

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My partner is in a college and work training program, and he has been struggling for a while. He was recently referred to student support to be evaluated for possible learning or mental disabilities. As part of that process, he took an IQ test and scored a 72.

I was not completely surprised. He often has trouble with basic tasks and can seem to lack common sense. I have always tried to look at him with compassion and assumed he just needed more time to learn or mature. But seeing that number made something shift in me. It no longer feels like this is just about immaturity.

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My wife and I have been together for nine years. Today I went to hug her from behind and noticed she was texting someone. I watched for a few seconds and saw the name was “Kal,” someone she said was from work.

I asked who Kal was. She immediately jumped and said it was a female coworker who had bought her shampoo, even showing me the shampoo as proof. But the name sounded like a man’s name, so I asked if Kal was a woman. She insisted yes.

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I am a 46 year old man, and I am terrified that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.

I have never been married, and I do not have kids. I have been on a few dates over the years, but nothing has ever turned into a meaningful relationship. I am open to dating apps, but I have never had much success with them. Matches are rare, and even when I do get one, it usually does not lead anywhere. In person I am friendly and polite, but I have always struggled to show romantic interest or make the first move.

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