My friend (M39) wants me (F45) to save him from being homeless, and I’ve been avoiding his calls.
His girlfriend kicked him out of the house they’ve shared for 10 years (she’s been there 5). The lease is in her name now because, after a domestic violence (DV) incident, she got a no-contact order against him, which was later rescinded. Recently, she discovered he’d been cheating on her and revoked her consent to contact. Legally, he’s now barred from returning, and his name was removed from the lease due to the DV history.
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Advice Column
“How do you deal with silent treatment / cold violence?”
We’re getting married in June, but we’ve been fighting a lot over money. Initially, we agreed to no bridal party to save costs, but I really wanted at least one person each. I even offered to sell my stocks to cover it, but he got upset, saying it’s “his money.” This led to a big fight, and my dad offered to pay for the costs (dinner, gifts, dress, etc.).
Things got worse when I invited my bridesmaid over. He was upset about the extra cleaning and hosting, even though my mom handled it. He accused me of overspending everywhere, said we’re depleting our savings for the wedding, and complained he has to sacrifice his “pocket money.” He yelled instead of having a proper conversation, bringing up old issues like my past overspending and my parents helping me financially. I told him that had nothing to do with him, but he wouldn’t stop.
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“I make more money than my partner and I’m starting to have resentment”
I make about three times what my partner earns. Despite a tough past, I worked hard, earned a master’s degree, and now make six figures. My partner also had a difficult life, works hard, but earns much less and had $20k in debt when we started dating. I knew this going in and have always been supportive, covering more bills and occasionally lending him money.
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“Can you support a family and a house with just stocks?”
I’m currently dating a 30-year-old man with marriage in mind, but something he shared recently has me questioning our future. He told me his main focus is building a career in stock investing, with the goal of working just a couple of hours a day so he can spend the rest of his time however he pleases. He’s only just started learning about stocks, and I’m wondering if this plan is realistic. Can he genuinely support a family—especially in the Bay Area, where the cost of living is so high—while only working part-time?
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“My husband’s temper tantrums are ruining our relationship and my respect for him”
My husband has extreme mood swings. On one hand, he’s kind and thoughtful—he’ll rub my feet after work, run errands if I forget something, and genuinely tries to help. But on the other, he loses his temper over small things, making the household tense and uncomfortable. We’ve been married for 4 years, together for 7, and each have a child from previous relationships.
This morning, during distance learning, the Zoom meeting wouldn’t work, and he started slamming doors and cabinets, storming in and out of the house. When his 10-year-old daughter got distracted, he screamed at her, yelling profanities. She ran to her room and slammed the door. I hate that this is becoming normal for her.
“Is it normal that my boyfriend constantly threatens to break up”
I (F25) have been with my boyfriend (M29) for over two years. We love each other, and until recently, our relationship felt amazing—like we never left the honeymoon phase. But the past few months have been different. We’ve been fighting nonstop, and almost every argument ends up being about what I’m doing wrong. It always escalates to him saying we need to reevaluate our relationship or that he’s not sure he wants this anymore.
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“My ex-husband called me begging me to give him his old life back”
My husband and I became teen parents when I was 16, and he was 18. We got married, believing it was best for our daughter to have both parents together. Looking back, I know it wasn’t the right decision, but I thought we could make it work.
We had three kids—two sons and a daughter. While he went to college in Boston, I stayed in SF with the kids, finishing high school but not pursuing college because he wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. I agreed, hoping to maintain harmony. During our marriage, I handled almost all the housework, parenting, and scheduling. He was busy with work and played with the kids when home but didn’t engage in discipline or our relationship much. When I disciplined the kids, he often sided with them, which was frustrating. Still, I loved him and tried to make it work, even though I felt neglected.
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“How do I get rid of a vehicle I can’t afford anymore”
I bought a Tacoma for work because I let my father in law talk me into it. I was able to easily afford the monthly payments but the job I was at went under.
Now I work from home but for $5 less an hour. I owe 35k on this stupid thing but I can only get 22.5k at the dealership or maybe 30k if I private sell. The issue is I don’t qualify for the loans I would need for the remaining balance after the sale.
I really really don’t want to default on the payment cuz I know it will wreck my credit score and I don’t know what my payments will be for the balance left after they auction it. Any help or advice would be much appreciated
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“I haven’t seen my best friend since he met his wife 2 years ago”
My (35F) best friend (36M) met his now-wife two years ago, and I haven’t seen him since. Before that, we were really close—we talked and hung out all the time. There was never anything romantic between us, just a solid friendship.
When he met her, he gradually stopped responding to me. At first, I understood, but after a few months, I started wondering why he didn’t want me to meet her. Out of the blue, he mentioned they were wedding planning. I was shocked—they were engaged, and I had no idea! I wasn’t invited to the wedding, which was a year ago, and none of our mutual friends were either.
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“My wife’s parents are broke and are asking us for money”
I’m struggling with my in-laws and could really use some advice. My wife’s parents, both in their early 60s, have always been irresponsible with money. About three years ago, my father-in-law received a $300,000 settlement. Against our warnings, he invested it all in risky stocks, lost nearly everything, and now they’re broke.
They constantly complain about not being able to afford basic expenses like groceries and utilities but refuse to go back to work, claiming they’re too old and it’s beneath them. Meanwhile, my wife and I are trying to save for our own family and two young kids.
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