Advice Column

I regularly visit a strip club in my area and for the past few months, I’ve been seeing one particular dancer, “Amber” (not her real name). In addition to tipping her and getting dances I buy Amber at least one drink every shift. She always requests the same thing – a screwdriver made with a certain brand of vodka.

Last night, I went in and Amber sat with me as usual. I ordered Amber’s drink from the bartender and got one for myself as well. But when I sipped it I didn’t taste any alcohol at all despite having seen the bartender pour from the same bottle she used to make Amber’s drink. Amber excused herself to freshen up and after the bartender walked away I grabbed the bottle and poured some into the empty glass. As I suspected, it wasn’t vodka, it was plain WATER.

[Read more…] about “I thought a dancer was drinking with me and now I feel cheated”

I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for almost a year now. Before we became official, we were friends for at least 4 years.

Other than my girlfriend, the second most important person in my life is my best friend (24F). We’ve been best friends for more than a decade, and she’s been there for me for all my lowest points. I literally would not have survived this long without her.

Our relationship is purely platonic. I admit that I’ve had a crush on her before, but we both admitted that it would be better for us to stay as best friends, and that was that.

[Read more…] about “I made my girlfriend cry for admitting that my best friend is more attractive than her”

I (47F) lost my spouse about three years ago and I have a 17-year-old son.

When my spouse died, he left me a large inheritance and told me to trust his advisor. About a year later, I sold our long-time home for a great price and used the inheritance plus the sale proceeds to buy a coastal house we’d always dreamed about.

I had never handled a home purchase or major finances on my own, and I didn’t anticipate the ongoing costs. The advisor strongly warned me against the move. I stopped taking his calls and hired a new money manager who promised extremely high returns.

[Read more…] about “I spent my son’s college fund to save our house”

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 30M. We’ve been together a little over two years, live together, and split bills evenly. We don’t share accounts. I make about $15k more than him, but he has a stable job and always pays his share.

The issue started this week when he said he wants us to be “fully transparent” financially since we’re talking about getting engaged. I thought he meant reviewing credit reports or discussing financial goals. Instead, he asked for my online banking login so he could “see everything in real time.”

I thought he was joking, but he wasn’t. He said couples planning a future shouldn’t have private money and that refusing means I’m hiding something. I told him I’m not hiding anything — I just don’t want someone else able to access my account or track every purchase I make. He said he wouldn’t touch anything, he just wants “visibility.”

[Read more…] about “My boyfriend says I’m hiding something because I won’t share my bank account”

My wife cheated on me, and what I can’t understand is that she still wants to stay friends with the man she had the affair with.

About two or three years ago, I was dealing with serious health problems that led to depression. During that time, my wife says she felt I was pushing her away and that I didn’t love her anymore. That wasn’t true — I was struggling physically and emotionally and didn’t handle it well.

She eventually confessed the affair and was very emotional about it. She says she still loves me and wants to work on our nearly 20-year marriage. We’ve talked through a lot, and I’m trying to process everything.

But she doesn’t want to cut ties with this man. When I asked her to delete his number and stop contacting him, she said, “Why? He’s not my enemy.” She told me she used to talk to him about our problems and that he “felt sorry” for her.

[Read more…] about “My wife cheated on me and still wants to remain friends with the guy.”

I was at a wedding and one of my cousins who has a very outgoing, joking personality was there. I haven’t seen him for a long time and back when I saw him more frequently, we used to drink a lot together. I was looking forward to getting thrashed at the wedding.

We talked for a bit and I offered to get him a drink and he said something like, “haha, I stopped drinking awhile ago, doctor told me I was on my way to getting cirrhosis.”

Now anyone who knows him will know he was the biggest drinker, so I figured he was joking, and he framed it humorously so I just joked around with him and told him, “alright I’ll get a ginger ail for you.”

I ordered a vodka soda for us and after he took a couple of sips, he freaked out and said “wait does this have alcohol?” I laughed and told him it does and he ran off.

[Read more…] about “I accidentally gave vodka to a former alcoholic”

My ex-husband and I are divorced and both have new partners. Our daughter is 19 and lives with him. She has been spending time with his partner for almost a year, and they planned a trip together. My ex-husband is not involved.

I know our daughter is an adult and that there are no safety concerns. Rationally, I understand that. Emotionally, though, I’m really struggling with the idea of my daughter traveling with my ex’s partner. It brings up a lot of pain and feelings I don’t feel proud of.

I have already talked to my daughter and told her honestly that the situation hurts me, but that I accept that she wants to go on the trip. I didn’t ask her to cancel it, because I didn’t want to put her in the position of having to choose between her own plans and my feelings.

[Read more…] about “I can’t stand my daughter bonding with my ex’s partner”

I (23F) was invited to my friend’s (23F) wedding about 10 months ago. We’ve been friends for over 10 years, so I was really excited for her and RSVPd yes. The wedding was in my hometown during my winter break from college, so I assumed I’d be able to attend.

Recently, though, I’ve been seriously investing in my acting career. I’ve been working hard for months and was offered a workshop with casting directors the same weekend as her wedding. Her ceremony was Friday afternoon, and I saw the workshop as a make-or-break opportunity for my career.

About a week before the wedding, I told her I was so sorry but wouldn’t be able to attend. I said I’d try to stop by that morning before the ceremony. She seemed disappointed but understanding at the time, so I thought everything was okay. I visited the morning of the wedding, congratulated her, and told her how happy I was for her. The maid of honor and a bridesman—both close friends of about 10 years—asked why I couldn’t stay, and I explained I had a work-related workshop out of town.

[Read more…] about “Was I wrong to skip my friend’s wedding for a career opportunity?”

I went on a first date Friday night with a girl at an expensive restaurant. The conversation was good—lots of laughs, she told me I was funny, asked about my family, and talked about wanting kids. It felt like there was a connection.

But some things felt off. She checked her phone constantly and said her dad was in the hospital and she was texting her sister. She also kept looking toward the entrance like she didn’t want to be seen. She mentioned she’s had unhealthy relationships.

After dinner I suggested drinks nearby, but she said she might need to go see her dad and had to leave. We exchanged numbers and she texted “hello” right away. She hugged me goodbye and said we should plan something fun next time. I told her to text me when she got home.

[Read more…] about “I sent my date a Venmo request after she ghosted me”

I (33F, turning 34 next month) have been dating my boyfriend (34M) for nearly three years, with our anniversary coming up in September. We’ve lived together for almost a year and have been in couples therapy for about the same amount of time. While things are stable—we both have good jobs, are financially secure, and have built a life together—I’m struggling with one big uncertainty: marriage.

[Read more…] about “Does my boyfriend want to marry me?”