Man-Up

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.

These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

Check out the rest of the article at Mark Manson

We live in a generation of angry young men. Men who harbor massive resentment towards women and blame them for their romantic shortcomings. But is that even fair?

You claim that women use and lead you on. That your time is disrespected. You always get friend zoned for no reason. You go online and make grand statements such as, “Women only date assholes”. Then you tell yourself, “This is why I don’t even try in the first place.”

I get it. You’re frustrated by a lack of success, and it hurts.

But maybe you should be pointing the finger at yourself. You let it happen. If you continually allow yourself to be disrespected, then you are to blame. It’s your job to prevent that from occurring or stop it when it does.

Let’s get proactive and break down why you feel used by women:

You expect them to sleep with you by just being there

“I was so nice to her. I listened to all her problems. I treated her with respect! And what do I get out of it? Her telling me that I’m an amazing friend while she sleeps with some other guy. What a biatch.”

Are you even listening to yourself? Do you know how manipulative you sound? You’re admitting that you expected her to have sex with you simply because you spent time with her. You were doing all these “friendly” gestures with strings attached.

Think of a girl in your lifetime that you had zero romantic feelings for. Maybe a co-worker or school friend you weren’t attracted to. If she hung around you and then automatically expected you to hook up with her, how would you feel? Would you sleep with her just because she was nice to you? I don’t think so.

Accept that attraction is an emotion which requires more than just standing around. The only time a girl is supposed to sleep with you is when she’s ready. And she’ll never be ready until she sees you in a sexual light.

Check out the rest of the article at Nick Notas

Your boss consistently asks you at the last minute to come into work on the weekend. You say “yes” every time even though you have family plans. You stew with resentment as you pore over TPS reports on a Saturday.

You order an expensive steak at a restaurant, but when the waiter brings it to you it’s way over-cooked. When he asks, “How is everything?” you respond, “Fine,” while you glumly saw your charred hunk of meat. 

You want to take a jiu-jitsu class, but you don’t think your wife will be too happy with you spending an hour or two every week away from your family, so don’t you even mention the idea to her.

Your neighbor lets his dogs bark all night, and it’s keeping you from sleep. Instead of talking to him about it, you bad-mouth him to your friends on Facebook.

If any of these situations hits close to home, then you’re likely one of the legions of men who suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome” – a set of personality, attitude, and behavioral traits described by Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Nice Guys take a passive approach to life and relationships. Instead of standing up for themselves, they let others walk all over them. They’re pushovers and perennial People Pleasers. Nice Guys have a hard time saying no to requests — even unreasonable ones. They’re considerate to a fault. When they want or need something, they’re afraid to ask for it because they don’t want to inconvenience others. Nice Guys also avoid conflict like the plague. They’d rather get along than get ahead.

At first blush, Nice Guys seem like saints. They appear generous, flexible, and extremely polite. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll often find a helpless, anxious, and resentful core. Nice Guys are often filled with anxiety because their self-worth depends on the approval of others and getting everyone to like them. They waste a lot of time trying to figure out how to say no to people and even then, often end up still saying yes, because they can’t go through with it. They don’t feel they can go after their true desires, because they’re locked into doing what others say they should do. Because “go with the flow” is their default approach to life, Nice Guys have little control over their lives and consequently feel helpless, shiftless, and stuck. They’re also typically resentful and vindictive because their unspoken needs aren’t being met and they feel like others are always taking advantage of them – even though they’re the ones who allow it to happen.

In worst-case scenarios, the Nice Guy’s pent-up resentment from being pushed around will result in unexpected outbursts of anger and violence. He’s a volcano waiting to erupt….

Check out the rest of the article at The Art Of Manliness

I was talking with a friend the other day who told me about a struggle he was having in his relationship with his girlfriend. He’s been dating her about a year and really likes her a lot. He would like to see things work out between them, but he was feeling some anxiety about bringing up a subject that seemed to be hanging over the relationship.

As we spoke, I mentioned that nothing would change in his relationship, and perhaps in his life in general, until he stepped up and dealt with the issue that was stressing him. He knew what I was saying was true, but it caused him a lot of anxiety to broach the subject and have a conversation. He feared that bringing up the issue might really hurt his girlfriend and even possibly end their relationship.

Read the rest of the article at Dr Glover’s website

“When I come out I have supreme confidence. But I’m scared to death. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of losing. I’m afraid of being humiliated. But I’m confident. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. The closer, the more confident. All during training I’ve been afraid of this man. I think this man might be capable of beating me. I’ve dreamed of him beating me. For that I’ve always stayed afraid of him. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. Once I’m in the ring I’m a god. No one could beat me. I walk around the ring but I never take my eyes off my opponent….During the fight I’m supremely confident. I’m making him miss and I’m countering. I’m hitting him to the body; I’m punching him real hard. And I’m punching him, and I’m punching him, and I know he’s gonna take my punches. He goes down, he’s out. I’m victorious. Mike Tyson, greatest fighter that ever lived.”

        — Mike Tyson

An easy day isn’t what you should wish for, but something to work ruthlessly towards; a purpose.

Listen, there are days when I wish I could sit on me arse and do nothing, just be lazy, but life doesn’t reward laziness and it’s those who have something to work towards that create the life they want to create and live with a purpose.

Don’t seek ease, seek meaningful work.

– Chad Howse