Advice Column

I have been married to my wife for about two years. We have known each other for around seven years and have been together for five. Our marriage has mostly been happy, with the normal ups and downs that come with any relationship.

My brother lives across the country for work and was recently coming back home for a family celebration that happened to fall around my birthday.

A couple of weeks before his visit, something started to feel off with my wife. She had been on a work trip and told me she happened to meet up with my brother while she was there. She said they grabbed lunch and caught up. At the time I did not think anything of it.

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I’m at the point where I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve been with my husband for over a decade, and we’ve been married for several years. Together we’ve built a life — a home, a dog, and a young child.

A couple of years ago, when our baby was still an infant, I found out that my husband had been exchanging explicit photos with someone else for several months. It was never physical, but it still hurt deeply. It made me feel unattractive and like I wasn’t enough. At the time I was a brand-new mom trying to navigate parenthood and all the exhaustion and changes that come with it.

I never fully forgave him for it, but we tried to work through things. Like any couple we’ve had disagreements, but overall things seemed fairly stable.

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I’m a 25-year-old woman. I’m 5’9”, about 148 pounds, with a BMI around 21. I work out five days a week—usually a mix of cardio, abs, and weight training. I try to eat pretty healthy most of the time. My typical meals are things like salmon, tuna, chicken, eggs, and vegetables. I also work part-time as a waitress, so I’m on my feet a lot during my shifts. I do love chocolate, but not in a crazy way—I have some here and there and know when to stop.

My boyfriend (25M) is also very fit—honestly even fitter than I am—but I guess that’s pretty common.

We’ve been together for about three and a half years. Throughout that time, he’s had this weird habit of telling me that I’m going to end up with type 2 diabetes. He started saying this years ago, and it’s always confused me because I’m active, eat fairly well, and have a pretty slim build.

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When my husband and I first met, I weighed about 140 pounds. I was in my early twenties at the time and dealing with a lot—depression, anxiety, and drinking too much trying to fill a void. I had just gotten out of a really unhealthy relationship that had drained me.

Since then, life has happened. We got married, had a baby, and I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, hypothyroidism, and depression. Around the same time, I was put on birth control, antidepressants, and thyroid medication.

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I’ve been dating this girl for about eight months. Last Tuesday I checked my balance and noticed that $900 had disappeared. When I looked through the transaction history, there was a charge from a boutique. I’ve never shopped there, so I immediately knew something wasn’t right.

I asked my girlfriend if she knew anything about it. She got defensive right away, and after a bit of back and forth she admitted that she had used my phone while I was in the shower to buy herself a Prada bag. She didn’t ask. She didn’t mention it. She just grabbed my phone and paid for it. She knew my passcode because I trusted her.

When I told her that what she did was theft, she flipped out and said I was being dramatic. She argued that I shouldn’t care so much because I “have plenty of money sitting there anyway.”

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Best friend is turning 40. He has nothing. No savings. No house. No car. No real material possessions. No wife. No children. Average job.

He is just barely surviving paycheck to paycheck. He’s not happy with how his life is going and I can’t tell if he’s super depressed or not. I know he wants a wife or girlfriend at least, I don’t think he cares about kids (but I could be wrong).

I wanna give him some advice, but not really sure what to say. Or if there’s anything to say really.

He’s a smart dude, fit, active, etc., so it’s not like his life is a complete disaster. But I know it’s not where he wants to be, just not sure how I can help him level up??

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We’ve been married for over six years and have known each other for more than a decade. While he earns more than I do, we split all our shared expenses down the middle, including the mortgage. He covers his own subscriptions and personal spending, and I do the same.

Lately, though, he’s been asking me to pay him back for gas. For instance, if we decide to grab dinner together, he’ll make a “joke” about me owing him for the gas—even if we took separate cars and he wasn’t that interested in going out in the first place. Most recently, after dropping me off and driving my car home, he noticed it was low on fuel and filled it up. Then he sent me a photo of the receipt and asked me to reimburse him.

Is this normal behavior in a marriage?

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