Advice Column

Last month, I ended my engagement and a four-year relationship because I could no longer handle the way his mother treated me.

She regularly made cruel comments about my career and my body. Any time he showed me even simple affection or said something kind, she’d respond with disgust or throw in a passive-aggressive jab like, “Do you really have to do that?” It was clear she didn’t think I was good enough for her son — and she didn’t hide it. More than once, she told me directly. I’ll never forget her saying, “Mama will always be number one.”

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Over the last year or so it’s like my husband’s default has become to disagree with me/question me about everything, especially very mundane things. Some examples:

Refused to add toilet paper to the grocery list since we “already had some”. We’re currently using the last roll.

Says he doesn’t like dinner tonight because I used pasta from the orange box. I didn’t. He insists I did until I pull the box I used out of the trash.

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I’m a 38-year-old woman who’s been with a 40-year-old man for 16 years. We have two daughters (4 and 8). I always wanted to be married before having kids, but he convinced me otherwise — saying he feared I wouldn’t want kids if we married first. I gave in, and I’ve regretted it ever since.

For years I’ve felt depressed and disposable, but the feelings got worse last summer before our 16th anniversary. I think about it every day — feeling like I’m not good enough to be loved fully. I’m a stay-at-home mom and financially dependent on him, so leaving isn’t simple.

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