Category: Advice Column

My wife cheated on me, and what I can’t understand is that she still wants to stay friends with the man she had the affair with.

About two or three years ago, I was dealing with serious health problems that led to depression. During that time, my wife says she felt I was pushing her away and that I didn’t love her anymore. That wasn’t true — I was struggling physically and emotionally and didn’t handle it well.

She eventually confessed the affair and was very emotional about it. She says she still loves me and wants to work on our nearly 20-year marriage. We’ve talked through a lot, and I’m trying to process everything.

But she doesn’t want to cut ties with this man. When I asked her to delete his number and stop contacting him, she said, “Why? He’s not my enemy.” She told me she used to talk to him about our problems and that he “felt sorry” for her.

I was at a wedding and one of my cousins who has a very outgoing, joking personality was there. I haven’t seen him for a long time and back when I saw him more frequently, we used to drink a lot together. I was looking forward to getting thrashed at the wedding.

We talked for a bit and I offered to get him a drink and he said something like, “haha, I stopped drinking awhile ago, doctor told me I was on my way to getting cirrhosis.”

Now anyone who knows him will know he was the biggest drinker, so I figured he was joking, and he framed it humorously so I just joked around with him and told him, “alright I’ll get a ginger ail for you.”

I ordered a vodka soda for us and after he took a couple of sips, he freaked out and said “wait does this have alcohol?” I laughed and told him it does and he ran off.

My ex-husband and I are divorced and both have new partners. Our daughter is 19 and lives with him. She has been spending time with his partner for almost a year, and they planned a trip together. My ex-husband is not involved.

I know our daughter is an adult and that there are no safety concerns. Rationally, I understand that. Emotionally, though, I’m really struggling with the idea of my daughter traveling with my ex’s partner. It brings up a lot of pain and feelings I don’t feel proud of.

I have already talked to my daughter and told her honestly that the situation hurts me, but that I accept that she wants to go on the trip. I didn’t ask her to cancel it, because I didn’t want to put her in the position of having to choose between her own plans and my feelings.

I (23F) was invited to my friend’s (23F) wedding about 10 months ago. We’ve been friends for over 10 years, so I was really excited for her and RSVPd yes. The wedding was in my hometown during my winter break from college, so I assumed I’d be able to attend.

Recently, though, I’ve been seriously investing in my acting career. I’ve been working hard for months and was offered a workshop with casting directors the same weekend as her wedding. Her ceremony was Friday afternoon, and I saw the workshop as a make-or-break opportunity for my career.

About a week before the wedding, I told her I was so sorry but wouldn’t be able to attend. I said I’d try to stop by that morning before the ceremony. She seemed disappointed but understanding at the time, so I thought everything was okay. I visited the morning of the wedding, congratulated her, and told her how happy I was for her. The maid of honor and a bridesman—both close friends of about 10 years—asked why I couldn’t stay, and I explained I had a work-related workshop out of town.

I went on a first date Friday night with a girl at an expensive restaurant. The conversation was good—lots of laughs, she told me I was funny, asked about my family, and talked about wanting kids. It felt like there was a connection.

But some things felt off. She checked her phone constantly and said her dad was in the hospital and she was texting her sister. She also kept looking toward the entrance like she didn’t want to be seen. She mentioned she’s had unhealthy relationships.

After dinner I suggested drinks nearby, but she said she might need to go see her dad and had to leave. We exchanged numbers and she texted “hello” right away. She hugged me goodbye and said we should plan something fun next time. I told her to text me when she got home.

I (33F, turning 34 next month) have been dating my boyfriend (34M) for nearly three years, with our anniversary coming up in September. We’ve lived together for almost a year and have been in couples therapy for about the same amount of time. While things are stable—we both have good jobs, are financially secure, and have built a life together—I’m struggling with one big uncertainty: marriage.

Me (27F) and my fiancé (27M) have been together 4 years, engaged for 6 months. His ex (30F) was with him for 5 years before they split.

I’ve always trusted him, and I’ve never had an issue with him staying friends with his ex—until recently. What’s been bothering me is that she still calls him “babe.”

Their breakup was mutual, and they stayed friendly. He told me early on that they still talk occasionally, and I appreciated his honesty. I even met her once—she was nice. But a few weeks ago, I overheard a phone call where she laughed and said, “Oh, you always do that, babe!” and it stopped me cold.

I’m 41 and married to an incredible woman—an amazing parent, partner, and friend. We met in college. She fell in love with me first; it took me longer to realize I loved her too. Eventually I did, and I married her.

The truth is, I’ve made serious mistakes in our marriage—ones that probably should have ended it. I cheated early on. I wasn’t there for her during postpartum depression. I wasn’t there the way she needed after a miscarriage. And then there were all the smaller failures that add up. I said I loved her, but my actions didn’t back it up.

For context, I (44F) have two kids (20M and 18F) with my ex. About seven years ago we split, and when they were still teens, I decided to move abroad to start fresh and pursue my dating life. I sold my house quickly and left shared custody to my ex and a grandparent, then relocated to be near family. I’ve been with my fiancé (36M) for about a year and a half, we got engaged recently, and we’re getting married in June. I call my kids weekly, though usually just for a few minutes.

Over the holidays, my younger child and a grandparent visited me for the first time since I moved. They stayed with my fiancé’s parents because our place is small. While she was polite at times, she was mostly cold, rude to his family, dismissive toward him, complained constantly, and even made an inappropriate gesture in a family photo. I spoke to her about her behavior, but nothing really changed. After she went home, I told her on the phone I wouldn’t be getting her anything else for her birthday because of how she acted.

I’m 28 and we’ve been dating about a year and a half. He lives at home with his parents and a few younger brothers, which already feels odd—especially since he’s not caring for them and has a stable job. What bothers me more is that he can’t cook or do laundry, and it seems like his mom handles everything for him. He’s also pretty stubborn and immature in arguments, and he often rushes home early for no real reason, like he’s worried about what his family will think.

He talks like he’s above needing goals or excitement, which comes off arrogant rather than confident. I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this, but his lack of independence and reluctance to grow up is starting to feel like a real turnoff. Is this as strange as it feels?